Well will wonders never cease. H texted me instead. Wanted account numbers and log ins. Also wanted to set up time to see the girls on Sat.
I just called him. Rather than send all of that over text. We discussed his loans and when they had last been paid. Basically he is mad they hadn't been paid for two months but I paid them both the 2nd of oct. He is the one that has had them cycle twice since then and not paid them. lol Natural consequences, right? This is a bit out of order as to how it happened. As we were going through he was like so that is ANOTHER $100 out of my account or something similar. I said yes, it is. Oh alright he says kinda huffy. He is finally getting a real appreciation for how much he spends. This is not how I envisioned it but it's a very good thing. Scary for him I have already done his budget and frankly she will be supporting him. He barely has enough money left to eat and that doesn't account for any of her bills.
So we went through everything. I was cool as a cucumber. He stayed that way too. Although he sounds depressed. Subdued might be a better word. I did ask are you okay? for that reason. He then started with the you never think I am okay bit. I just validated and told him I was sorry if I had made him feel that way that, that wasn't how I felt.
At one point when we were talking about him coming to see the girls I said where did you want to do that? Here, your house, or your dads. He said I didnt think I could bring them here. I said well I guess you can but I'm not sure the outcome will be what you are hoping it is. So then he says, get this, he will come see them either at his dads or here. So he has been fighting about them going over there all this time and really he knows it's not best for them either. It is just something to "NOT give me control over" How dumb.
So he asked if he could come around 10-11 in the morning I said that was fine that I was going out tonight and his dad and stepmother was keeping the kids. He said Oh. They're keeping them? I just said yes. I don't want to spend our anniversary here looking at the walls. Rather go out with friends. He got quiet.
Then later he asked me about our taxes. I said I don't know how do you want to do them? He wants an even split. I said I don't really think that is fair. He said why not? Because I have all the work and all the kids. You do not. I then said I had pretty much decided for the time being I wanted to stay here and likely would use any refund to do work on the house. I made the comment that this is my house. And for all practical purposes it is and has been for almost 11 years now. Not to sound nuts but I think even he has thought of it as my house for a long time. Just because he had left and then worked on the road for so long. This is where our kids grew up and my home.
So he said well you want to split everything else down the middle why not the taxes. I finally said well honestly, I was afraid you would go file for divorce and I am not really ready for that. He laughed at me then not a real laugh like a nasty hateful laugh. I shouldn't have said that. However, part of me thinks that if that is how I feel that I should say it. No animosity or anger just say it. I really think most of our issues are communication breakdown. So in light of that I should be honest and not try to hide or "stuff" any of that. I didn't put it rudely or anything. I said I didn't know how soon you wanted to do that. Then he said well I don't have the money to file now. I said I know and neither do I. You know how I feel about it too. I don't think it is best for ANY of us. He never responds when I say something like that.
I then got another text asking for the log ins to our cell phone account. I gave them to him. I called back real quick and told him please do not cut off my phone. It is paid through the 6th of next month. I will switch it or give you the money. He said he wouldn't. Funny thing is this. He told me and the kids he has internet there. However, when I asked if he had email so I could just forward all this he told me not yet. So I am thinking maybe it is in her name? Not sure. If that is the case then everything is being put into her name which suits me just fine. However, as I said I gave him all of that information but I don't think he used any of it. He was asking me for phone numbers so my best guess is he can't afford any of it and will have to make arrangements.
He even started on our car insurance. I told him how much it was and when it was due. His motorcycle is a separate policy which I just pay annually and all of that. He then starts on splitting the insurance policy up and getting it separate. I said you know we get a bunch of discounts it is really best for the time being if we keep it that way. After I rattled off the discounts he agreed. I did tell him I would split some of that cost with him. I think it is broken down by driver and vehicle and that is fair.
So anyway I stayed nice and calm even cordial. No reason not to. Besides if I don't that flies directly in the face of what I want to do. Really. I think I do want to remain married. I came to some conclusions yesterday. I don't want the same marriage or R but I want to try again.
Now I have to just follow through. Work on me not get wrapped up in what he is doing and wait and see. If he does choose to file there is nothing I can do about it and I won't fight it.
Any thoughts? What do you guys think about my D comments? Did I completely screw up? Or just a little? I don't intend to discuss it again. Just leave that ball right in his court. If I do discuss it again it will be because I am ready to move on or make a move.
