Portia, One of the things you can do is when he starts talking about the gory details, change the subject to something else. You would do that w/a regular friend if you didn't want to hear about it. It's not being nasty, but you do not need to listening to all of that stuff. I know you want to be available to him, but he can't miss you if you are his "ear" only when he wants to talk about that stuff.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
