I'm finding myself much more aware of when and how things start to "go bad." So now I'm trying to intercept them before it crashes and burns. At the same time, I'm trying to figure them out beforehand to prevent them in the first place.
H called a bit ago. Pleasant enough convo at first, but it took a turn when he made a comment about his daughter, how it appears she doesn't have a problem with debt because when she needed new tires recently, she just bought a whole new car. So a car loan is not a big deal to her. H and I have always believed in paying cash for cars, at least until the last one he bought where he took out a home equity loan without asking me (we have an equity account with checks for emergency only. Zero balance.)
So I realize I probably shouldn't have said anything. But I did. I said I'm not a car-payment person, but lots of people are, and that apparently even he didn't have a problem with them based upon his last car, so I didn't understand his issue with her. (She's over 30, employed, self-sufficient, etc.) The point of my question was intended to find out more about his position on her (was she sinking, asking to borrow money, not feeding her children, etc.?)
So he started defending his car loan, saying that it was different because it was only $200/month for a year. Well that simply wasn't true. I said his car was NOT $2400. We argued back and forth a couple of times, then he admitted that it was for 3 years, and that he only financed half. Normally I would have tried to point out to him how his statement about his daughter was hypocritical but I didn't.
So I ended the convo pretty abruptly because that's my M.O. at this point. But it left me feeling like I don't like him very much. It's a residual of the feelings I had prior to the weekend. It isn't bad, but just disappointing. I have a big problem with him (or anyone) criticizing someone else for the same behaviors that they do, but when they do it, it's somehow "different." I remember a GF doing this years ago. She cut off someone in traffic, then flipped them off, then 30 seconds later was absolutely appalled that someone cut her off. I only remember it because it was all so dramatic and shocking. It's the same thing. "Do as I say, not as I do."
Admittedly, I'm not one to keep my mouth shut. When I was voting last week, two men got in a verbal altercation. One called the other an @ss, then the other called him a pri@k. It went back and forth like a couple of kids. At first I couldn't tell if they were just kidding, it was so absurd. After watching their facial expressions and body language for a few seconds and determining they were serious, I loudly told them to knock it off, that their behavior was completely inappropriate, that it was a public place and a church, no less. They quit and I went back to my ballot. No one else said or did anything, though I'm certain they witnessed it.
With my friends, I've always felt a little more liberty and prefer the same from them. No one but friends and family know you better, and no one can be more honest. So if I see something, I call them on it, and occasionally they'll do the same with me. H is not one of them. He does not want to be called on anything, and he only comments on people behind their backs.
I KNOW I'm not the only one that deals with this. So what do YOU do? The behavior just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
