Yes, I considered Morehead. May still yet. Right now though I think I am going to do an LPN exit course and sit for my boards so I can get to working right away and complete my RN online. For my current situation it would be the best thing for me I think. I also pretty much had a nurse manager tell me on Tues that if I do that to let her know and I have a job at her facility.

My problem with the time frame/custody is that we actually do have lives. You know what I mean? It's not really to be a pain just to have courtesy. His calling S14 is in my opinion just his way of intentionally not doing what he knows I would prefer. Yet at the same time he is - just in a round about way. Passive aggressive.

The only consequence I was thinking of is we not being here. More inadvertent than intentional. With the exception of possibly my plans tonight.
Literally, it actually happens a lot that we are gone or just some of us are here. Perfect example. Last weekend - The youngest D's and I had gone to library, S14 was going to his GF, and D12 was gone at her friends. So it wasn't like we weren't here to be vindictive. We just had made other plans.

As far as being gone when he gets here, you know he may not even show. I don't think really he would bring papers for me to sign. That would be too hurtful and in some ways he has tried to be protective of my feelings. I'm not sure why that is really. Seems like the vindictive nasty stuff is being rooted from her. Maybe that is just my perception. However, I remember back when all this started and he came to me and said I want to tell you what is going on so you do not make up things in your head and are even more hurt. He knows and we have talked that for me at least - I have these ideas of how things are and that is what gets me so upset. Often the reality is not anything like what I have imagined.

I really am starting to feel in some ways the way I have acted, not DB principles has pushed him further and faster with her than he ever intended. Maybe I am wrong though. I just keep thinking in regards to that - she is an ex for a reason. Many changes have happened in 18 years and the man she idolized and romanticized all that time is very different from the man he is now. Seriously- just living- for anyone much less all we have gone through. 18 years of babies, life, illnesses, deaths, you know what I mean? So perhaps this is a blessing in disguise and we will never ever be back here. Perhaps it is my future. My life. I dunno.

I told him before and I do mean this- If you have to work through your feelings then work through them. I may be here I may not when you are done.

So today is my anniversary. I am melancholy. I think he is coming over to test things see how I am doing. It seems a little unusual that we haven't seen much out of him for 6 weeks now and he is suddenly going to be here two days in a row. Also, suddenly he is calling kids again. Maybe it is the talk we had the other night. Still, I would think he wants to stay away on our anniversary. Perhaps he doesn't recall but at the same time I mentioned it last Sat to him.

S14 was talking last night about how the things H took with him are so odd and things that you think would matter were left. I just think it is more evidence that he is not thinking clearly.

So nothing has changed really. I have anxiety worrying about this evening. I shouldn't have though. I know this. More evidence that detachment is lacking. I will consider it a good night though if he shows up and I can at least appear detached and non angry or upset. For me, that will be a success.