Moving the blanket away from the castle

[needgrace]

((((((((((((((busting)))))))))
these moments are tough... when we face how comfortable everyone else seems to be with the OW and D, and the moments we wish we were the one there with them..

i try to tell myself that W is not the person i knew, not right now when she is in the throes of MLC, and that, in order for us to ever have a healthy R, she is the only one who can find her way out of the tunnel.. i am guessing it is the same for your H with the travels and the new friends.. he is in the tunnel...

and they stay as emotionally far away as possible bc they do not want to be wrong... they do not want those good memories to seep back in and make them doubt their path.. they want CHANGE, and are fighting to convince themselves that the change they need is outside themselves (OW, travel, new friends) instead of where it truly is.. from within. the within part scares them (both of our spouses have untouched hurts that they run from)

the further he runs into the tunnel with OW, his new life.. the more he has an opportunity to see that the darkness remains. will they ever face themselves? that is the uncertainty we face...

yes, this still hurts and the uncertainty is scary.. but you are doing the best things possible.. friends, activities, self reflection, growth.. for me, i try to look at it as doing the best things for my growth so that no matter what, i will be okay and healthy enough for whatever comes my way..

i was driving home the other day and saw a high school student who was blind.. and i thought that all of life is uncertain... and i admired his strength to go to a huge public school and put one foot in front of the other... for a moment, it put my sitch in perspective for me... and i am working on learning to be content with what is... that perhaps happiness is not the goal bc that can be elusive and transitory but the ability to be content no matter what... now that would be incredible..