3 Years after D-Day, part 2. Separated 9 Months.

[Am I Too Late]

The woman my W talked to did not "specifically" say that Things will work out between the two of us.....

She said that my wife was being very vague and said, "Things will eventually work out".

That Could have meant other things, such as child visitation or any of dozens of possibilities.

I can not fathom that she would even be thinking about us being together while she has been exclusively dating Another Man for about the past 6 months and that he has been staying over at her apartment quite often, even on the one day she took our S-9 to her place.

That's why i didn't want to interpret that oblique comment.

Ed

[leopoldstotch]

The woman my W talked to did not "specifically" say that Things will work out between the two of us.....

She said that my wife was being very vague and said, "Things will eventually work out".

That Could have meant other things, such as child visitation or any of dozens of possibilities.

I can not fathom that she would even be thinking about us being together while she has been exclusively dating Another Man for about the past 6 months and that he has been staying over at her apartment quite often, even on the one day she took our S-9 to her place.

That's why i didn't want to interpret that oblique comment.

Ed

Ok that's good on your part I had forgotten about OM. One way or another Ed you will come out the better person after all is said and done. That is what you should be striving for.

[Am I Too Late]

Now, while i was typing this, my W just sent the following message.

I was out late last night. Melissa was dying colleens hair and had extra so did mine. Sat I assume eddie has karate at 11 right? Can we go to your house so I can grab a couple things after. I have boxed my xmas stuff in garage and couple other minor things I need. I could hang out at house with u guys for a couple hours then if ok. Let me know.

End of message.

I think she Only wants to come over here to get more of her stuff.

Ed

I don't know what to do.

Just the thought of her setting up Christmas stuff at her apartment with another man is very unsettling.

I KNOW i need to get her off of my mind, but i just went through flashbacks of how wonderful i felt and thought i knew she felt too prior to her mom getting sick and dying.

I'm going to do something to take my mind off of her for the rest of the day now.

This s u c k s.

Why have my feelings remained hurt for so long?

Ed

[leopoldstotch]

Ed there is nothing you can do about her and the OM it's her choice. I have to ask why you want her back? This is a woman who has major issues and correct me if I'm wrong hasn't she had a few OM's? Talk about no respect for you. You can't have a marriage with a third person in it.

Listen Ed I really believe that you deserve better. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you, someone who respects you. Yes you had good times with her but she may be too far gone and who is to say that if you reconciled that something else wouldn't trigger her to do this again? Is that something you want to go through again. For me I'd cut my losses no matter how hard. You know my sitch and if I knew my W had OM I would end it as I could never trust her again. I'm not trying to tell you what to do I'm just giving you food for thought.

[leopoldstotch]

You are also not detached from her and its something you must do NOW! Go live your life for you and for your S it will make you feel better. Your inability to GGAL for YOU is holding you back. It's great you are doing things with your S but its time you do for YOU. Don't waste your life waiting on her.

[Am I Too Late]

OI came to those conclusions myself, and thought i processed and accepted them upon the 3 year anniversary of d-day, when i found the letters.

All this time i felt it was a reaction to the loss of her mom and the deep resentment she stated that i wasn't there for her enough and let her fall flat on the earth. I let her down and had been trying to make it up to her ever since she told me that's how she felt.

I know to let go. I thought o was on that path and for most days, i am doing better.

The Christmas imagery got to me though. I am getting rid of those pervasive thoughts, with a lot having to do with your support.

Thank you.

I used to view my resilience ad strength, but it has only been weakness and fear in disguise.

I appreciate your insight and holding a mirror to my obsessive faults.

Ed

[Am I Too Late]

You are also not detached from her and its something you must do NOW! Go live your life for you and for your S it will make you feel better. Your inability to GGAL for YOU is holding you back. It's great you are doing things with your S but its time you do for YOU. Don't waste your life waiting on her.

I'll pick myself up and work on that once again. This tome will be better for me.

Ed

[leopoldstotch]

Ed go back and re-read 25yrsMLC posts to you. Read them until they sink in. She has given you the best advice. I wish she would read my sitch and give me some advice. That woman is a Godsend!

[Am I Too Late]

Yes, you are correct about what she had to say to me.

It came at me too hard the 1st time around, but i did reread my whole thread the other day with particular interest in her posts and noticed they meant something much more to me the 2nd time around.

I will go back and reread them again tonight with a much more absorbent frame mind.

Thanks Leopold.

Ed



.

[Am I Too Late]

GGot this e-mail this morning from W.



Hi Ed Well apparently my phone has had it now. Trying to see if anyone i know has one i can use for now. Cant afford new one right now. I will check my email when I can and phone seems to work once in a while so you can try to text if needed. I will be working all day and trying to get late run tonight too so may not get to email til evening. I did not hear from you about Sat so I am assuming he will be at karate. If you guys have something going on where I can not get into house, then can you please look in the garage against wall with all the boxes, in about the middle, should be on top or close to top. Small box of xmas stuff. Mostly like ordaments from when I was a kid and stuff. Please. I am not handling upcoming holidays well. I need to try to cheer it up a little bit. Hopofe you guys had a great week and day today. I will see you tomorrow. Please please bring that box.

Thanks

Wifes Name



So, i called her to let her know we would be at karate tomorrow.

She said she is sad thinking about both of her parents who have passed away. Mom, 2-7-2009 and dad recently on 4-28-2012.

Also, she is thinking about how she misses our S-9.

I just let her know i would look for her box of childhood ornaments. She didn't say anything about missing me, so i felt any significant expressions of sympathy would be unwanted from me and push her away. She was only on the phone for a short time and was in a hurry to leave to get to work.

She also did not mention anything about hanging out at my house when we talked. I
Noticed in her e-mail that she specifically referred to it as My House.

Also, she is considering looking for another job. She has been a school bus driver for 11 years now and the hours are harder to get she says.

I resisted allowing myself to feel like she needed any comfort from me. Old habits and feelings are tough to let go of but i think i did better today than usual. I wanted yo get her questions resolved early so i didn't dwell on them all day.

Today i am supposed to get my car fixed and have to run around to pay bills ahead of time.

I used to be the person who could make her feel better, but that's not the way things are currently.

My son was talking about how he wanted to visit with his mom soon, before Christmas and i didn't bring her up, so he has her on his mind too. I just told him that sounds like a good idea. Poor little boy. I know he really misses her, even though he doesn't say so very often.

Ed