New to DB and Clearly Oblivious to My "Horrible" M

[labug]

I think it's very hard for you to be in this situation and not be able to get from her exactly what it is you did wrong (if anything) and what you can do to fix it (if anything). The takeaway I've gotten from divorcebusting is to forget the spouse, and do your own digging. Figure out what you can do better to be a half of an intimate relationship, and get to work.

Golden.

About spew and script, we all say things similarly when we're hurting. Our WAss do it and we the LBSs do it. If you read these threads, you'll see a lot of LBS script. I'm not saying take everything she says to heart, but rather hear her out and think about it. Give her the gift of being heard.

Ask yourself: Where is this coming from? Are there nuggets of truth.

My H "spewed" that I'm controlling. He's right, I was and have to keep those tendencies in check.

He "spewed" that I was always unhappy and critical of him. He had a point, I needed to hear that. I'm much happier today and continue to work on these issues.

He "spewed" that he didn't think I could change-he was wrong.

My point is, don't ignore everything she says as not-important. She may not feel safe in letting out what's really going on and your willingness to hear her without judgment may help to open that up.

Good luck.