The green green grass of home

[Soul.Searching]

Okay, I officially su*k today. Yeah i know not good PMA but i really do.

I found a dating site app on our PC a while ago, H said he downloaded it without knowing what it was,. Well I joined a few weeks ago to see if he was there. He was, I didn't use a photo or my real name, location etc Well it somehow connected to FB and put all my real details and my profile pic (Which was me and my kids BTW) So anyway H called. He asked me to log on and accept his friends request. I did and worked out how to change all my details.

So he was about to deactivate his because he is "over it"
so I asked him about this other girl, Apparently he is trying to work out how to tell her he doesn't even like her.
That's nice, he can tell me, His wife of 9 years, partner of 13 years and mother of his children but doesn't know how to tell her?!

I asked him about a whole bunch of R talk. He told me how unhappy he has been for two years! Okay, now we have gone from one year to two. Me not having a full time job was a big thing it seems. He says he cares about me but has no love for me in that way.

I told him that I know I should not be asking him anything but him telling me he kinda loves me, then telling me he slept with OW, then saying he doesn't know how he feels really hurt.

He kept saying he was sorry. We talked for about 45 mins, with me crying most of the time. He says there is no chance for us and he doesn't care if I see OM. He told me about all the things I had done. He told me he is sorry and he wishes there was something he could say or do to take the pain away but there's not. I ended the conversation.

why? Why would I do that? The whole day has just been me doing everything all wrong.