Ok, what a disaster last night was. I attempted to set a boundary and it blew up. I allowed my emotions to get a hold of me and the conversation ended up being an argument. I didn't even get to state what my boundary was as far as the OW is concerned, in fact he denied he is even seeing someone, which has me doubt things. His excuse is that he's "driving around" when he doesn't come home and since he used to do that in the past, he asked why is it an issue now. He did used to drive at night, scouting, he's a hunter and would call me many times when on the road, but now when he stays out all night, sometimes taking a gym bag with him, I doubt he's driving his car.
I wanted to talk about two topics, first was money. Probably a bad topic, but he hasn't been giving me any money for bills, mortgage, etc. He told me he wasn't paying for anyting until he paid the retainer for his attorney. I said I expected him to be responsible for bills and our daughter and he said he would eventually give me something. He's not making very much at this point. Putting the OW aside, I don't get how he thinks this is going to work for him, no money, bad credit, etc. How is he going to move out?
The conversation/argument ended and we both said hurtful things. The worst part, my daughter woke up and heard us. We weren't yelling, but loud enough to wake her. I hate myself for that. While going to sleep I decided to apologize to him in the am. Right, wrong, I don't know, but I told him that I was sorry for how the conversation went and apoligized for the hurtful things I said and asked that "we do this amicably, so we don't hurt eachother and more importantly we don't hurt our daughter, because I can't stand that." I felt better that I apologized. He didn't apologize, but I wasn't surprised.
I feel like I am back at square one. Did I completely ruin anything that may have been working in my favor or am I just fooling myself? I know, don't believe anything he says and half of what he does, but I feel lost today.
