Do I Have a Chance?

[complicated]

Thanks everyone for your replies and last night I read through the DR book again and tried to get myself back on a good path. I had started putting Michelle's books to work but I get off course sometimes.

Last night my H and I texted about my daughter's game. She plays soccer in college and they are still in the NCAA tournament. I thought it was important to go and he doesn't. I am going and I think he is mad about it. He has made several comments how I go to most of the games. He has missed most of the games. I like to be there for the kids and their activities. It is something that makes me happy and I think they appreciate it too. Maybe not so much now but when they look back. I always appreciated my parents going to my games and I still remember it. I don't know why he cares so much what I do? I know he thinks I leave the younger one but in the grand scheme of things I am there for her day in and day out. I always offer to take her with me and I have made many special trips with just her too.

We both did go to a game over the weekend (we drove separately) and he was great. He joked around alot and it was almost like old times. I would have called it one of the baby steps Michelle talks about. But, the next day he was back to blaming me for being gone and doing things wrong. He jumps back and forth. Some days I feel like we make progress and others we go back to the beginning.

theUF I totally agree with you on the intimacy thing. Our situation is identical and I often wonder about the cake-eating too. It's so hard because when you are having a good moment together sometimes it just happens. That is where I need to be stronger and because I realize now that I too miss it.

Just a Guy I bought a couple of the other books you mention I just haven't gotten to them yet. Knowing someone else thinks they're good will make me pick them up. I feel like I got on the internet one night and was flustered and started buying books trying to save my marriage but now I realize I need to save myself.

Your comments are interesting regarding the MC. I made a comment to her the last time I went that I was getting disappointed because I feel like we haven't gotten anywhere. We go separately and sometimes together though we haven't gone together in a long time. I think she feels like she has gotten somewhere with him though I can't see it. With me she has helped me get to the point to "get a life". I know she is a "pro-marriage" therapist but I don't feel like we've made much progress. He is still very depressed and blaming me for everything. I have thought more than once about scheduling a DB phone call. Has anyone here used this? Like I said earlier, I do take responsibilty for my part of our problems but I also realize I am not solely responsible.

One thing I forgot to mention and it is important is that when we would get in arguments, sometimes I would say "why don't we just get divorced". I know now that it is wrong. I used to hear my mom say that when I was younger and as a little kid it seemed to work because they are still married to this day. I think about 55 years But, I realize you don't say that unless you really mean it and I never meant it. He throws this back at me and I really don't know what to say except that I never should have said those things and I am very sorry. If I would have only known how much that hurt him I never would have said that. It isn't until now that he is telling me things like this. Now I try really hard to think before I speak where before all of this I probably didn't so much. My mom says I get it honestly which doesn't help! So that is why I say I am not blameless but I am very sorry.