what a giant flurry of input about this "making self happy" thing.
i totally "get" that we are responsible to some extent for our own feelings- & happiness, sense of well-being, etc. I've used that technique a million times on myself- if i'm part of the problem- i can be part of the cure. BUTTT.....
i do not think we can discount the ability a loved one, or someone has to cause feelings in us. it's just a giant power people have over each other (and misuse) alot in life. all kinds of people - it's there- we feel it- it "makes" us feel the desired emotion. someone insults you - you feel embarassed- on and on...
UNFORTUNATALY- IF SOMEONE sticks you with a pin - you bleed. it's nothing to do with your feelings about it- your responsibility, your own part in it- it's just a physical reaction & fact. the blood pops out- it's how we're made.
also- unfortunately- if you love someone- they have the enhanced ability to hurt you- period. It may be our responsibility to pick ourselves up and carry on- protect our heart with this wisdom and never allow it to happen again(?) - have seen it coming - etc. - but it exists. ("the enemy?") in life??
we are absolutely affected by those we love- they can wreak havoc with our emotions and heart - as in "HEART". NOt- our actual physical heart- and no it's not their actual ability to physically "make" us (force us) feel something - or do something. NEVERTHELESS - you see where i'm going. they can and do influence us emotionally with a kind or ratty word or action.
i'm not sayin BLAME - it's probably counterproductive. (even when you've got a good case for it - say, someone shoots you) emotionally tho - -how very easy life would be for everyone if we were all off the hook for the pain our actions cause. tra la - NO RESPONSIBILITY AT ALL FOR WHAT WE DO TO OTHERS. easy street. it's not like that with people- we're human- i'm thinking we owe it to everyone to treat them as we'd like to be treated.
i don't think most people think like that- they bash thru life leaving a wake of bodies- they can do harm & inflict pain & do (alot) - they should realize it and act accordingly- it's soooo much easier to just worry about number 1. (i've got some attitude here- didja notice - about people TAKING RESPONSIBILITY for what they do to others???).
i'm not sayin my H was RESPONSIBLE for my happiness- he surely contributed by producing feelings in me i loved to feel. he did it on purpose - he chose to please me- woo me - i loved him for that - maybe he bestowed that... (his intention- make me feellove for him)
he likewise made choices and did things that produced the opposite. I don 't like him too darn much at all for that. he chose to lie & lie - . the truth would have produced pain - he knew it, maybe - BUT he chose to lie (for whatever reason). if i had the courage to ask for the truth - he didn't have the courage to give it. He could tell himself he's absolved of aLLLLL RESPNOSIBILITY because we make our own happiness. it's just a bunch of hoohey - he did something to create the pain - knowingly - & i felt it. i can't think how to dress it up as something else.-
i'd say being human makes us able to be "touched" by people - the good news & the bad news.
so- it's my responsibility now to "save" myself from it and him- to yank myself up by my bootstraps and not let the pain take me under- BUT, honestly, I've alwasy been a happy girl- yet knowledge of his treachery plunged me immediately into such a stinking funk it's been 1.5 yr coming out of it (somewhat) - if that's not cause & effect- i don't know what is. he dealt it- i felt it- i canlet that crap go as human nature- but it is what it is
i hope that made sense- i'm losing my way here- it's magical the power we have over those we love- and who love us. we need to all use it wisely- (for good.) - God i sound like ajerk - oh well huh?
all of us every day can give happiness or give pain- & make someone else feel it - it's daunting & scary... how tough or vulnerable we all can be & are. (take away air for five minutes or so and we're all dead- if that's not fragile, (yeah- even men) i don't know.
we can conquer it- & use it wisely- but we can't deny it (i don't think)
