3 Years after D-Day, part 2. Separated 9 Months.

[Am I Too Late]

I am NOT going to send this off to my W,but this is where my thoughts wound up yesterday.

I figure that, Maybe,by posting this letter to her here, it may help me to let go of some of my anger and resentments that surfaced after i read her e-mail the other evening.

Wife,

You are continuing to make excuses and ignore your agreement that you would assist in support financially for Our Son. There were too many other people around on Saturday to discuss this with you and you left early due to not feeling well.

The amount required is 20%of your income per Our States child support statutes after proper tax deductions for yourself,and not claiming Our Son since i have properly been in charge of raising him since you abandoned your responsibilities as of February 16th of this year.

It hurts so much to have to pursue you repeatedly while still caring for your well being.

A couple of weeks ago you even stated.....

"That you know you haven't been much of a ma-ma ever since your own mom got sick", .....which will be 4 years ago at the end of this month.

Well besides how much you were hurting from your mom dying and very depressed, that is about the same time that you relapsed and started drinking.

2 months prior to that, you wrote.....

"When i die, the most important things i want to be remembered for is being a Good Wife, a Good Mother and a Good Friend."

Once you started drinking, your perspective changed and instead of seeing the good in your marriage and family life, you focused only on the mistakes to justify what you were doing.

You know where you can get help for your drinking problem. I Pray that what you once said does not come true..... You told me, .....

"You know..... I just realized that i relapsed at the exact same age as my mom did. I guess i have 10 years of Fvcking up my life up before i start to get my Chit back together again just like my mom did."

Is that what you truly want?

Before you started drinking and before your mom died, you had a pretty good life and felt more loved and adored than you ever felt before in your entire life. Then you turned to other people and pushed me and Our Son away from you. You ceased participating in nearly all family activities,which i attributed to your depression and overwhelming sadness from losing your own mom. When i was trying to reach out andbe there by your side, you pushed me away because you said you needed to be alone and unfortunately, i retreated, not knowing that you had relied on your, at that time,emotional affair with your long time ago ex-boyfriend who you were texting 4,000 times per month. How could i have possibly been welcomed to be there for you like i sincerely desired to be, when you were emotionally involved with someone else? You wrote, "Ah, finally harmonious love at last." Well, now you said recently that you finally deleted him from your friends list on facebook because he was a jerk. Was he, or Any of the following people you wound up with worth destroying your own family for?

Then the thing with your,at that time, best friends on again, off again boyfriend. With him, you said, "I just need to be in your arms tonight cuz you the only guy for me."

Well, how did that work out for you?

When it seemed like your mom was going to be released from the hospital 1 week before she did pass away, i readily agreed to have her live with us and had started cleaning out the dining room for her. Would you have only then been able to see how much i was truly there for you and your mom, or do you think that you would have continued down the path you were headed towards?

If you don't see it, the people who truly care for you do. Your alcohol problem has blinded you from being the Good Wife and the Good Mother that you previously proudly stated as your life goal.

I was made aware of last week Saturday, that when you were supposed to visit Our Son after watching his karate class,that you spent the afternoon at a bar instead while we were all spending quality family time together having lunch at a restaurant. Maybe you didn't want to face your mother-in-law and father-in-law, but you should have still come to see your one and only child. We did not know in advance for sure, but i had told you that i suspected that they were going to award him his Yellow Belt soon. You chose to miss his test to visit with your friend in Rockford instead and earlier in the year, you chose to miss his first Yellow Stripe test because you told me you were hanging out with friends instead.

What should be a priority for Any Mother, not just a Good Mother?

What would you have done in your pre-drinking days?

I think you would have done what a Good Mother would haven done and showed up to support your son. You have missed more visits with Our Son than you have made, by a long-shot. You only visited Our Son 1 single time within 97 days over his entire summer vacation.

I hope you can honestly look in the mirror and reflect on who you have become in the past 4 years. Which person is the Real (Wife's Name)? The one that lead a loving family life or the one who has a desire to have serial affairs and drinking all the time destroying the lives of your wedded family members, who loved you more than you will ever know.

You are through with your marriage, but i hope you see what has become of your life since you started drinking and make a decision to get help.

Ed