When his dad was diagnosed and we knew he was dying, he would say to me that he didn't give a sh!t that he was dying...which I knew wasn't true because he's never talked so calously like that. Since his death he brings it up as if he wants me to feel sorry for him or he uses it as a way to play on my conscience, is this just MLC, depression or his way of grieving?
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
That's his way of grieving. He wants to lash out and express himself. Unfortunately you're an easy target to blame. When he gets like that, tell him that you feel sorry for how he feels and that you loved his dad too. But that he has NO right to take anything out on you and that if he will no longer beat you up about it. Sometimes the direct route is the best route.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
MrBond, thanks, I was close to his dad and he thought the world of me too...but I was shut out by H when his dad was dying but I did talk to FIL every week and went to see him with the kids, when it was FIL birthday in July apparently FIL yelled at H that I be invited to his party. Miss him alot.
Sunny, thankyou for the welcome. I'm following you're thread too, hang in there.
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
S17 started his new job monday after school, he was off tuesday night and worked last night. He got home about 9:30 pm so the 2 younger ones were in bed already, D9 heard S17 come home so she ran into the kitchen and jumped up on him and gave him a big hug.
She has always done that to H when he'd get home from work but I've noticed she doesn't even do that anymore...I wonder if he sees that too?
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
caigy, Here's a thread posted by TMAK years ago about mlc depression being torture. It may not answer all of your questions, but depression does play a major role in mlc.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
What a great post. I am guilty of feeling sorry for myself and what he has done to me and the kids that I can't/won't believe that he feels any pain or guilt...I'll try to be more understanding...
You said in the post that they become jealous of thier teenagers, I have thought this about H for months now. S17 does well in school, honor roll student (H always struggled has ADD barely graduated) S17 drives a really nice car...well nice for a 17 yr old (H says I drove a piece of sh!t at your age) note that S got his car on his own not paid for by us. I am still reading the thread so I'm sure I'll have more to say. Thanks for this Snodderly your a diamond in the rough for us
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
I'm glad TMAK's thread was helpful. There is a lot of good information in the archives from all of us oldies and I'll continue to dig some of the threads up for the newbies.
Yes, the mlcer will get very jealous and resentful of the children. He's a child in an adult's body and he will remember how he was treated at a young age and compare then and now w/his own children. He will act out towards them or just completely ignore them. What is extremely strange is how some of them will eventually settle down and select one child to be their best bud. It is usually the child that doesn't challenge or question what they are doing.
Continue reading and posting. There is a weath of knowledge all over the forum.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
