OK, I'm going off the reservation here but I think there is more going on in your sitch.

If she was a very close family member, not your wife, who you saw changing drastically and seemingly floundering, what would you say to them?

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss