Hi MKB, I just noticed you apologised to me on my thread. I presume you were talking about what happened here? I think you meant to post to scaredsilly? Anyway I just thought id reply and let you know I didn't ignore your apology, I just didn't see it and I believe it was meant for the other SS?
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Bug- I can control me and that's it. I can't even control my children and their feelings. I will do what I can to make their lives easier if that has a positive effect for H then so be it. If not, then so be it. I can't control that.
I can control how much I contact him and what I say. I can control how I act. Otherwise, it's all on him. Likely they would have more positive feelings in general if he made more effort. Again, I cannot control that. I have still tried to ask him when he would like to visit and that sort of thing. I'm simply not going to anymore.
If he wants to do that and he wants control then the ball is in his court.
I am not going to just poof and give him a quickie divorce because it makes their life easier. I also wonder how much of that he wants because of pressure from her but again- not my issue.
I am in a much better frame of mind than I was. I also control how I will react to the world and those around me. I can choose positively or negatively and it is up to me every single day! I also control what I put in my body (I *might* have eaten a whole box of Chocolate Chip cookies Monday trying to deal with my feelings)
So here I go. Willpower is key. Why is it soooo hard to really and truly detach? I think for myself for some reason I equate it with not caring. Which really isn't what it is. It's more like choosing me over H. Frankly, since our R has always been lopsided and unbalanced I think that is why I have such difficulty with this. It is hard to convince myself that I MATTER.
Don't expect "detachment" to happen quickly, then you won't be so disappointed when you aren't detached. It's a process and you have a long history with this man. The key is to keep working on you.
And when people want to tell you gossip, say thanks but no thanks. You know that people sometimes like to stir the pot, it makes their boring lives more fun.
My personal favorite for the bad times is Chocolate Moose Crunch ice cream.
Did you say you were from Appalachia? What state?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
KY. I am originally from OH. One of my very real issues is that I am alone here. No family really and actually very few friends. All H family. So it's difficult.
I've been reading the MLC threads. I am like 99.9% sure that is also part of this. Still I think my goals don't change. I just keep on keeping on. It really is like someone else has taken possession of him though. Very very odd.
