Total Eclipse by Dan Band

[2chiquitos]

Thank SS ;-) I'm blushing

Thank you LaBUg, you made me think. I saw it as a way of softening what i was about to say. MIL doesn't get subtle hints so I've learned that I need to consistently be giving her subtle hints for her to understand. I don't need to be direct/assertive.

Thank you Adinva,
You learn to hold the things you want to bring up until it's the right time for them to be heard, not simply the time they popped into your head or nagged at you. Communicate with intention.
This just stuck in my head. I tend to say things when they pop in my head or nag at me. I think I did better today. See below.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Journaling
S4s surgery was postponed due to a cold.
Drs Scheduler: So you decided not to have the surgery
Me: Since it's an elective surgery we decided not to run any risk as noted by the anesthesiologist.
Drs Schedule: I'm just saying you've waited a year and keep postponing.
Me: Silence (this is my 180 at work)
Drs Schedule: So when do you wanna do this? (lots of reluctance in her voice)
Me: (gave her dates in a happy as if tone)

She's gotta deal with her own issues. I am not going to suck myself into getting into an argument with this woman again. I did it 2yrs ago when S4 had his last surgery. I raised hell with her supervisor. Now I'm letting it go.

H n I had an R talk tonite.
H: I was hoping to come over tomorrow morning before work. I'll bring starbucks. (LL-Gifts!)
Me: I wanted to talk to you about that. I want to rephrase what I said the other day (only come am n pm if you plan on spending the night once a week and plan on reconciling). I would rather you came am n pm if you plan to make an added effort to reconcile. I want you to know that I have recognized your efforts thus far (family outings, dinner without the kids) but I need to see more. I don't want to say what "more" looks like because I want to leave that up to you.

<<<This is where it gets good. Get your popcorn out.>>>>

H: I don't feel comfortable spending the night because it will confuse S4. He will expect me there everyday and ask these really deep questions about the sitch.

H: I have to admit that last night when I lay down with S4 I struggled to get out of bed and leave. I want to stay.

H: WHen I don't see you guys in the morning I feel empty as if something is missing. My days are long. I feel a mini-depression. The few times I do stop by I have such a good day.

Me: I completely understand. I feel the same way. I look for you when I feel sad or getting depressed but I'm learning to find other ways to deal with that. I get very sad seeing you go and I feel empty inside which is why I would rather you didn't come. Unless I see more effort coming from your part I need to take care of that empty feeling I have inside me.

Long story short.
We will be planning more dinner without the kids. This was my goal when I first started DB 1yr ago. I'm not excited but amazed at the power of DB!!!