Hmm. After I posted this, I got a phone call. It was a little unsettling. Basically that OW basically had moved into next to H aunts house specifically to try to get him back and more or less get info on his life. So that pissed me off a bit. I dunno.
Talked to H again, basically to tell him I have my bases covered as far as him keeping kids.

I also got a notice from the bank today. Glad I am not on that account any longer. He is already 100 bucks overdrawn.

I think at this point if I say or do anything he thinks I am trying to make him feel dumb or stupid. Regardless of what it is. We sort of talked a little. I wasn't loud or threatening or anything else. I did say - you know I really want you to be happy. I had told him that and I really do mean it. He knows this. I said but I think you are being manipulated and frankly, I am too. Then he did say something at one point about how I had blocked his calls. And I DID. I told you guys that. I didn't want contact with him. Apparently that made him angry.

After I told him about where she had been living and renting and what was told as to why she chose there he got very very quiet. That means normally that he is listening; taking it in at least. It's when he doesn't know what to say. Then he gets angry. So that was how it went. I never really said anything else. Other than that I didn't say anything negative or antagonistic. We actually talked for a few more minutes but then he started shouting again that I am trying to make him feel stupid and saying he is dumb and hung up again. I wasn't and didn't. I think again that perhaps he is starting to notice she is controlling quite a bit too? Maybe, maybe not. Anyway, this is his usual pattern. I am finding whenever he doesn't like something or is angry he basically forces a confrontation almost- screams shouts causes a scene then runs away. So that is again what he did even if he was just running by hanging up.

I am getting more and more people telling me this was pretty much engineered by her. Although, still obviously we had our problems. I did actually say to him I found it embarrassing to keep having people talking about it and asking me about it in town and publicly. He said well I'm not saying or telling anyone. To which I replied me neither so that only leaves one other person. He didn't acknowledge that but that's okay. It just feels more and more like part of it is revenge and vindictiveness towards me. At this point, not sure that it matters. It's a lesson he will have to learn on his own.

I did come to the conclusion that she is likely in for a mighty big surprise when the new wears off. I think it is sort of comical in a way that she has wanted to be reunited for so long. It will be one of those be careful what you wish for situations. I know it's all shiny and new but can't wait to see what transpires with that wears off a little. Lord knows my life and our kids lives were difficult at best. I would go so far as to say we were all pretty much miserable.

I am getting to where I am actually believing I will be better off. I don't know what happened the last couple of days. I sort of think I had like a mini breakdown or something- a meltdown. I couldn't quit crying yesterday. Even driving in the car. Crying. In the grocery store I started crying. Just over and over. It was awful. Sitting at a light crying.

So today I am much better. Much better. Still not good. Not good at all. But better than where I was yesterday. These emotions are all over the place.
Still this weirdo not detached in some aspects but very much in others. I need to work on that more. It's funny, each time I get more detached I actually almost physically feel different. I did notice that I actually slept last night on my own. WooHoo. Not very long but I did. I am up to 3 hours at a time with no meds so that's a vast improvement!