In Legal Limbo - What is next?

[LITB]

Grateful,

You are so focused on the summit (reconciliation), that you are unable to see the necessary steps to get there. It begins with taking the first step. The only person stopping you, is the one you see in the mirror every morning.

You know what they say about excuses. No more excuses. They are only obstacles if you allow to be.

I want to share this with you. I have a friend who is in the midst of a D, which has been going on for over a year. He has all the tools at his disposal. He has read DR and has seen IC, etc. He refuses to utilize them for a multitude of reasons. Not only has there been little progress towards R with his wife. He still keeps his focus on his W and gets to sit in the front row of the emotional rollercoaster.

Don’t let that be you.

[sandi2]

I agree. She has been through the process. I think she has let go, as she is living the life of a single person. I have to say that hope has done left the building for me in regards to the M.

Why has hope left you? Is it based on her actions? I understand how that could be discouraging in the beginning. But what you have to focus on now is what will work. You want to know what works to get her back and others will tell you to do this for yourself. I agree, but I'm telling you that you won't get her back (to stay) until you let go. You won't let go until you begin to get a life for yourself. Now, you can continue to watch her and get upset that it appears to be "easy" for her to GAL and difficult for you.....or you can get proactive in changing how you live.

I hope you will listen to these guys who have gone through this. They know what didn't work.

Don't give up just b/c she's out living her own life. Take control over your own.

[Grateful]

Thank you for the great advice Sandi and LTTB. Again,in my head, I know exactly what you are talking about and that you are right. I have always let my emotions get the best of me. Thank you to both of you for the kick in the pants.

[Grateful]

I got a text from W saying: "Are you stalling the D?" I asked what do you mean? She said, "dragging your feet, etc. I am not going to change my mind. I am happy.

[LITB]

Did you reply? What did you say?

[needgrace]

Hi Grateful,

Great advice from LITB and Sandi. You have some really wonderful support here.

It seems to me, that for many of the stories here about couples that reconciled, that it can take a great deal of time. So I remain cognizant of that fact while I work on myself..

I have found a great deal of peace and have truly seen a shift away from the anxiety I always carried with me before by meditating/praying, reading, working on forgiveness/compassion and talking to the good people here about my own growth. I have found that, much as it hurts like nothing else... this has truly been an opportunity for me to grow into the person that was always there inside me, just covered up in fear.


((((((((( )))))))))

[Grateful]

I know that one of the rules is not to believe anything they say. However, her "I'm happy" comment did crush me honestly. She went from "not handling things well" ( I tried to listen and validate) to leaving every weekend when i have the girls and then "I'm happy." Honestly, I am beginning to believe that the legal D will happen. It's all in God's hands now.

[leopoldstotch]

Grateful what did you say to your W in regards to her text?

[Grateful]

I said that I was glad that she was happy. That I had found happiness in the Lord as well.

I should have stopped there, but unfortunately, I said we could find the happiness together again.

[leopoldstotch]

You are pressuring her and coming off as controlling. Unfortunately you have to go through with the D process but it doesn't mean the two of you are done as long as you make the changes to be a better person. Real changes for you. Become the person only a fool would have left. Start now. No more excuses.