Hello! 20 year marriage teetering... (part II)

[theUF]

She left. If we can't renconcile, then this will be the reality sooner or later anyway.
I haven't dropped the rope.
I still care for her.

Same here, I do care for her and would love nothing more than for her to move back in for a "normal" Christmas. But since that's not going to happen, what would be best for ME and I think for W too would be to not spend it together. But I think it would be best for the kids if we do spend it together. I have to always be mindful that they're hurting too.

Sounds like a sane conclusion. If you get along and the kids will enjoy it then go for it.
For me though, it's a bit too fresh and akward right now. I don't even think she would go for it.

Do you think it would be akward?
That maybe you kids would pick up the tension? Or maybe there is not a lot of tension?

We've spent a lot of time together since S and it hasn't been awkward, but it is painful being around this cold and indifferent version of W. I look at her and remember the warm and loving W that I spent 25 years with, but she's possessed by this ice princess that stole her body 5 months ago. I don't like being around her now and I think she needs to be away from me more to ever have a chance of thawing.

For sure! Just 10 minutes ago I was having the same feeling. My X was here and we talked for half an hour. Everytime we got along/joked around a tad bit too much(by her standards anyway) I could notice how she suddenly backed up and became more distant again. Lol

That's one thing that always makes me chuckle a bit though. You can think "wow, my sitch/spouse is completely nuts", but then you read a post on here and realize it's pretty common.

I have wavered back and forth and I am noticing that the pendulum swing was hours and then days and now weeks. Perhaps my pendulum will slow to a stop. I wonder which side I will be on.

Great analogy Nick, that is very much what it is like! Sometimes it's irregular though, swings one way a week and then back the other way a day. That's what throws me off, LOL!

This is a challange. It's hard to make big decisions when what you think you want changes from day to day, week to week. It's what's got me in a bit of a halt right now.