Is there any other technique to try out there? I read about everyone that is trying to go dark. They say how difficult it is, and I can imagine it is. To be honest I am a bit jealous. I would like to go dark, but sharing two children doesn't allow me that possibility.
I know it is all about patience, time, space, and voodoo magic. I only wonder if there is something more I could be doing?
I have really been enjoying life lately, and I have seriously considered dating. Although I don't think I will as I am not 100% ready to replace my w. I also realise I am only 7 months in, seems like years have gone by.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
In my sitch, I am going dark for my own personal health. I don't know what it will do for the R. My W hasn't contacted me for anything in 10 days. She does respond to my texts within a half an hour, but she doesn't initiate anything. I tried to come up with anything just to share that brief moment of conversation, but I always ended up heartbroken. If anything comes up with the children, I will write, and I am certain she will too.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
After a good run of positive days I have ran into a down one. My daughters b-day is tomorrow and I am longing to spend it as a family. These are the times, of time and space that are especially difficult.
A few weeks ago my w had mentioned that maybe we could do something as a family for d3 birthday, since then no mention of it. I would really like to ask her to do some family things but I know that I shouldn't. This is what she wants, life without me, so this is what she will have.
I had been thinking about dating, although after today, that thought is gone. It is replaced with a renewed dedication to this journey. I will affirm her when the sitch is right, and I will shut my mouth when it needs to be closed.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
That's the spirit mate. It's easy to go the way of the WAS and start dating to get our emotional (and physical) fill, but does it contribute positively to our goals of saving our marriage or becoming a better person?
The thought has crossed my mind many times and around here it would be so easy to do but so far I've managed to stay strong in the face of temptation. I'm not saying I will never date but for the time being, I don't think it's a good idea. I was actually glad to hear that the A/Ds I'm on slow down your libido.
Be strong mate!
Freshman Class of 2012
M-49 W-42 1D-10 T 10 YEARS M 9 YEARS EA/MLC 07/2010 Separation 28/05/2012 PA confirmed 31/07/12 W Asked for D 31/07/12 D on and off the table since then
I would really like to ask her to do some family things but I know that I shouldn't.
Actually there's nothing wrong with that. Michele says in DR to phrase it in such a way that you show you don't care whether she joins or not though. For example- "I'm planning on having a party for D at McDonalds and then going back to the house for cake and opening of presents. You're welcome to join us if you wish." In other words, you're having the event whether she joins or not. You're not supposed to ask her out on dates, but inviting her along for something you will be doing with or without her is in keeping with proper DB'ing.
I recently read something on someone else's thread, but I can't find it now so I will comment on it here. It was about actually getting the chance to reconcile but being afraid to go through the heartbreak again. If you look at as a new relationship, you have the same chance of it happening with your spouse or someone else you get involved with.
I don't think you would even get the chance if you fear it happening again. Part of my own transformation is trying to live without fear. Especially fear of the unknown.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
eyesopen, I think that the fear of potentially going through the heartbreak again is what motivates me TO change. I never want to put my W, a future R or myself through anything like this ever again. However one big thing is to let that fear motivate you instead of stall you. After going through it once you SHOULD develop the skills to have less of a chance of it ever happening again...
Me - 30 W - 28 M 4 t 6 ILYBINILWY #1 Jan - 2011 Band-aid Jan 11' ILYBINILWY #2 7/28/12
eyesopen, I think that the fear of potentially going through the heartbreak again is what motivates me TO change. I never want to put my W, a future R or myself through anything like this ever again. However one big thing is to let that fear motivate you instead of stall you. After going through it once you SHOULD develop the skills to have less of a chance of it ever happening again...
I could not agree with you more.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
One of my w biggest complaints is that I did not/do not appreciate her as a SAHM. I do appreciate her, I just didn't show her in a way that she understood.
So apparently my S5 did not want to go to school today. My w had him call me because she was having a difficult time reasoning with him. I wasn't able to take the call and my S left a message that I couldn't understand. I sent her a text asking about what was going on, after she told me I asked how she handled it. She said she ended up driving him, to which I replied, "Nice job. You are a great mother, and can handle anything."
I truly mean it, but I am wondering wether or not now is the time for it. Could it be seen as ass kissing? Showing my appreciation is a 180.
Me 37/W 32 S 5 D 4 ILYBNILWY 5/12 Sep 8/12 Starting to find myself 11/12 on
