such deep reflections you are having... they seem to be created by sitting still in the space of your feelings and not just reacting.. such growth, such beauty of heart and character you possess..
and what H feels or doesn't feel in this moment is only in this moment... as J3B says, his strategy takes time. love you, busting!
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
I'm enjoying what I'm reading about how you've have been doing Busting. DBing as we all know is difficult, it gets easier, and then a backslide here and there, and then back to progress. I'm not sure how much the underwear matters or not though
Glad You are doing well (and acting as if), and that you are continuing to be a great Mom!
I really think that my H probably isn't even aware if I notice he doesn't touch me or listen to me, because he is is so used to acting like that towards me. Does that make sense?
Hi KG, Yes it makes A LOT of sense. I could not have worded it better. My H does not even notice what we have been through, or the effect on the kids, because he is so used to not noticing, that he can't see anymore. If that makes sense!
But yes I get you.
And thank you for your support once again. We keep moving forward....
(((((( ))))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Thank you for your kind and beautiful and encouraging words.
I must admit, sitting still has been one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Its been so good I may never move again! lol
Yes, like j3b says..time. and then some more. And then some more. And then some more. :-)
Love you too NG. ((( )))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
thank you afa75!!! I love reading your posts and your posts to me. I appreciate them so much.
((((((((( )))))))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
After I started realizing the issues that were mine in the M, I realize that I feel so selfish around him now. Because in the past I made everything about me...my feelings, my pain my fear ..my spew my spew.
And it was because he was/is such a master at feeling concealment, I stopped looking at his feelings, fears, etc. I expected him to take care of mine, because i figured he was fine.
he was not fine. And i was selfish to let myself think that. So NOW, today, I do feel selfish if I want something from him. I did not consider his feelings for a long time. As much as it hurts to admit that, as much as it embarrasses me. Its true.
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
After I started realizing the issues that were mine in the M, I realize that I feel so selfish around him now. Because in the past I made everything about me...my feelings, my pain my fear ..my spew my spew.
And it was because he was/is such a master at feeling concealment, I stopped looking at his feelings, fears, etc. I expected him to take care of mine, because i figured he was fine.
he was not fine. And i was selfish to let myself think that. So NOW, today, I do feel selfish if I want something from him. I did not consider his feelings for a long time. As much as it hurts to admit that, as much as it embarrasses me. Its true.
Bingo..you and I are exactly in the same place. Scootch over hon, got room for one more on the blanket?
I'm in a similar place. It must have been so hard for H to leave the children, Especially when he went through it at a similar age. I don't feel I have the right to interfere. He deserves to be happy too and while I do blame him for walking away without trying to fix things by communicating, I feel what if I just couldn't make him happy? I think I could of if he had communicated and met me halfway but it didn't happen.
Who am i to stand in the way of his happiness? even if it does tear me apart.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
I bet this feeling is very common among people on the board. I also thought my H was always fine bc he never communicated anything negative to me. But he wasn't.
But you know what? You didn't know at the time. You did what you thought you needed to do. And your H is the one who went outside the M, not you. He also played (plays a part.) So don't be so hard on yourself. I tend to be really hard on myself too.
i feel the same busting.. i always felt like the needy and anxious one, that W was strong and could handle things... and i neglected to really be there for her bc i thought she did not need anything... it is bitter to discover but there is also freedom in understanding so that we can grow...
busting i love being on the blanket with you... you help me grow.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
