yes the stuff they come up with is so ridiculous that is funny in a way.
I am struggling though with even wanting to "stand". Like I've said in previous posts, our M wasn't terrific even before the bomb drop. And actually has changed little since then. I guess its considered "cake eating" because there have been no ramifications on H since the EA and the bomb drop.
Today I just want him to go. Or for me to go. (Of course this is financially impossible.) He currently is reasoning that even though I make him so unhappy and am so second rate that it is possible that another woman might also end up making him unhappy so maybe he just shouldn't bother leaving.
I don't want a R based on this premise. I don't want a H who justifies his PAs. Hell, I'd really rather not have an H who HAS As!
I think I may have reached my threshold.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Ok. I don't have enough money to go out for the day. So now I'm camped out in my bedroom. This is as far away as I can get and still be in the same house.
I could use some guidance. I don't feel I can hear all his "I would be so much happier with X Y or Z" and then go make him some lunch etc. Continue with life as normal. As if he hasn't just told me I rank somewhere waaay down there.
But I can't leave. H could, he has parents and other children to go to. (Interesting side note, his S from 1st marriage is bombarding H with email to move up there.) But my unemployment comes nowhere CLOSE to paying the bills. So financially I'm stuck.
Before when I've tried to avoid him he got angry with me, hinted that if I was going to "be that way it defeated the point of staying together for the kids". Clever isn't it? The whole thing is set up so I have to take all his garbage AND continue to play wife.
He just came home and yelled at me for not completing HIS job application. (I tried but couldn't get his username/password right.) And "what are you doing up here?" he asked.
How do I answer that? Do I say "getting as far away from you as possible?" I simply said I was working on my coupons and stuff.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
What would be a 180? Listening to the crap isn't working for you. Hiding in your bedroom is hard. Can you just drive to the library and sit and read magazines?
My X told me he was so sad a couple of times, poor, poor him he was probably going to end up alone after he made me so mad and then she would probably leave him...... It is like hanging around with 6 year olds.
Hang in there!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I simply said I was working on my coupons and stuff.
Perfect.
When W was in replay/anger/spew mode I got lots of the "The whole thing is set up so I have to take all his her garbage AND continue to play wife husband/paycheck." (Nice description, btw!)
IMO, Just roll with it for now, take care of you, answer "Just doing my "stuff"" sort of answers with a pleasant expression. Once he leaves the room, then feel free to flip him off or such if it helps
They are bullies. Hang in there...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
I'm not sure what would be a 180. I thought about the library but then too thought about how uncomfortable I would be there and thought "The heck with this. Why am I letting this crazy person chase me out of my own house?"
So I'm in the bedroom lol. (Who's the crazy one? Thinking it might be me.)
Being assertive would be a 180 for me. But I have to be sure I'm ready for the possible consequences.
I think today I'm just looking for a hidey hole because its all just too much.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
That made me smile, I remember those thoughts (and they still pop up from time to time)...my in-house mlc'er seems to be settling down, so I haven't regretted (too much) the spew, nonsense, emotional/verbal abuse that I put up with.
If it helps, I started the assertiveness slowly, small, not very important things as I saw the opportunity to acclimate W to it, then built from there...
It will change eventually, one way or the other, as he progresses through his journey.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
T^2..... You just made me laugh so hard. Yes, flip him off when he isn't looking. Strangely theraputic. I am not normally a flipper-offer. But this past year I have even mastered the double hand flip-off. And never got seen by anyone but the dogs. Though the giggles it inspired in me might have been a tip-off. I also found the flipping him off on my way into a room often lightened my mood considerably. The raising of one knee to send the flip-off waves along with more cosmic force also are pleasing.
I recently spent a week at a yoga/spiritual retreat. They talked about chakras and using Om to direct positive thoughts. I guess the above is the opposite!
What is funny is that I never flipped him off in person, but he did it to me. Something he had never done before. Guess I am just as annoying to him as he is to me........
This too shall pass!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Can I strangle him when he's not looking? Maybe I need to tone down my negative thoughts....
Feeling somewhat better today. Just riding the waves I guess. Trying to focus on the moment. Its easier for me when he's not here. I'm hoping he goes off gambling again this weekend. Not that we/he can afford it. He lost $50 (that he admits too) last weekend.
Focusing on running the vacuum and baking some banana bread. Trying for tunnel vision.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Well H is off to gamble. Didn't take a change of clothes so will probably return today?
He hasn't had any more talks with me to speak of although out of the blue he asked "Why is my parents death going to be so hard for me to handle? Its not fair, what my father did to me, now I'm afraid every day that they're dead." So I know their health is weighing heavily on his mind. As is income for our family, but that topic has only been hinted at.
I am trying to keep as distant as possible, working on detaching. Focusing on getting the house in shape (a 180 for me) and doing holiday baking (something I used to do but had gotten away from).
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
