first time need help - still (new thread?)

[SunnyBurst]

Your ideal mate is based on how that person makes you feel about yourself! He/she makes you feel valued and significant, despite the faults and failings that you know you have. He/she wants to make you feel wanted, dedicated to and captivated at the same time. He/she doesn't want to make you feel less than, or inadequate or lacking in any way.
That's not magic it's love, it's you smiling when you think of them, that loving feeling that was placed in your heart by how they make you feel! H says I make him feel loved, he makes me feel sad!

You are saying that when your spouse values you - you feel valued - when they want you they feel wanted - T2 is saying that unfortunately now we have to find out how to do that on our own - OR - leave our spouses and find someone else who wants to fullfill these needs for you.

BUT if you learn to do these things for yourself - think about the person you would be - completely depending on YOU for all your needs and happiness - seems like it's the way we should have been all along - a very painful way to learn it - but it's the way it should be anyway.

I don't know how long you been with your hubby but my wife was the best mate in the world for 13 years, a depressed but still mostly wonderful one for 1 year and a pretty nasty evil one since April - I love her - she can't see that she loves me - yet she does show slight glimpses of it - very little ones - she is angry, afraid, unclear and really very lonely. They are MANIC - they have no control of there emotions and are in a very reactive state of mind - they are looking for things to fill them, affairs to give them passion and excitement - they are in a nutshell the OPPOSITE of what they used to be.

I am not telling you to stay or go - God knows I want to leave all the time - and MOST people WILL tell you to LEAVE

Here is what keeps me there at least for now - MY WIFE IS THE BEST - I LOVE HER - SHE IS NOT HERSELF - SHE IS ILL - I think if the roles were reversed and I was acting like this - she would pray for me and BE MY LIGHTHOUSE - maybe I am wrong - but that's the kind of person she was.

I don't think we deserve the indifference and pain that we go through - it's unbearable - my wife is so callous and cold - if we happen to barely touch when we walk by each other she recoils like a cobra - she is absolutely physically repulsed by me now - she is looking to date other men - I know it's nuts - but like I said - I feel like I have to do whats right and not what I feel like doing.

I hope you have the strength to stand as long as it takes but you are always free to go - don't forget that - you only have to stay as long as you want to !!

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers !!

Sunny