Dealing with the reality of separation

[PeteWyo]

GAL Update, went out with a friend last night had a beer and listed to a great Blues group. It felt good to be out and do something out of the norm for me! I mean I have been going out and hanging out but usually to watch the game or over to someone's house to hang out.

Also, talked to SIL last night. Didn't talk about W really at all. I was actually trying to be cryptic when she was asking about what I did last night. She asked if I was out with a "lady friend" and I just changed the subject. Technically the person I was out with was a girl, but just a friend.

[PeteWyo]

Also, I forgot to mention that W asked for things out of our safe deposit box. Told her I would get the stuff out for her and she would have it soon. She told me that she was out of town for a couple days so no rush. It seems apparent to me that she is continuing to move this forward and getting all of her things. I have no doubts that this is being perpetuated by OM telling her to tie up loose ends. Ultimately, not my problem. Moving forward, working on being happy!

[BC39]

Does anyone have any suggestions on OTC remedies for sleep. I feel like I haven't slept a full night since the bomb drop back in August. I am also taking some medicine for my anxiety that should make me sleepy but that doesn't seem to be the case. I know that this isn't a medical forum, but I figured most of you out there have probably suffered from insomnia at some point.

Hey fuanacdc. Are you still having this problem ^^^^? I've been on a couple anti-anxiety meds in the past. The last one caused insomnia. I then had to take another med to help me sleep. If your still not sleeping well its going to amplify your anxiety.

Update on my anxiety. I am on a med now that I can see actually helps a lot. Been a few weeks and it seems to put the anxiety at bay. I think there may be a larger problem here though. Going to talk with my IC about it on Thursday and see what she says. I have major performance anxiety in all aspects of my life. I know I'm in sales so that is weird but I have always been a nervous wreck before a sales meeting and then as soon as I get there I put on my sales face and everything is fine. I am actually more myself when I am on a sales call in front of a complete stranger than I was in front of my W recently. Add on a moderate amount of OCD and I am thinking passive anxiety meds are not the short term answer. I haven't really been myself for 5 years. I have always put on a brave face but I think it is time to see what Big Pharma can do about this. Me trying to be strong and fake my way through it is not acceptable anymore. I want to actually be happy...

You took a page right out of my book on this one! I'm not sure what your history of taking these meds is but they may take 6-8 weeks to start working properly. They can be very affective at keeping the anxiety at bay.

[PeteWyo]

Hey fuanacdc. Are you still having this problem ^^^^? I've been on a couple anti-anxiety meds in the past. The last one caused insomnia. I then had to take another med to help me sleep. If your still not sleeping well its going to amplify your anxiety.

I am still having this problem unfortunately. No matter how tired I am, I can't seem to get my brain to shut off at night. And when I finally get to sleep, I wake up every hour or so. It is frustrating but it has become the norm for me, so I guess I am getting used to it. I tried ZzzQuil and that knocked me out for about 4 hours and then I woke up again. I think I just need to get more/better exercise and try and tucker myself out

You took a page right out of my book on this one! I'm not sure what your history of taking these meds is but they may take 6-8 weeks to start working properly. They can be very affective at keeping the anxiety at bay.

Well I can't be ashamed of my sickness anymore. I was for far too long and thought that it showed weakness to say I had this condition. Anyway, once about 3 years ago, a psychologist put me on Lexapro. I was on it for about 7 months. It didn't seem to do anything for me. I have been on the lowest dose of Xanax once a day for the last 5 years or so. Now I am trying Buspar twice a day and have been on that for about a month. I was told it reached is max efficacy at 3 or 4 weeks so it should be in full gear at this point. I had my GP suggest Zoloft but I was hesitant, now I am thinking that might be the way to go. I am not a pill person and I have avoided them for the last few years because I thought I could handle this on my own. I have come to the stark realization that I have no control over anything, so why not listen to the doctors. Has anyone had good or bad experiences on Zoloft before??

[BC39]

I also used to think of it as a weakness and was reluctant to take meds. Then my doctor put it to me in a way that I'll never forget. He said "some people have asthma, some have allergies, you have anxiety/panic disorder". People have to take meds for those other things right?

If it's effecting your daily life for an extended period of time (which it sounds obvious it does) you should be taking something for it. You may only have to take it for a year or two. Zoloft or something similar (SSRI or SNRI)is what you need. Keep in mind these drugs work differently for different people so you may have to try a couple.

It could be one less thing on your plate moving forward, and if you can get it under control I'm sure it will help to keep your focus on your DBing efforts.

[PeteWyo]

I also used to think of it as a weakness and was reluctant to take meds. Then my doctor put it to me in a way that I'll never forget. He said "some people have asthma, some have allergies, you have anxiety/panic disorder". People have to take meds for those other things right?

I never looked at it that way before. I never recognized it as a physical illness. That is why I always thought that I could get it under control all by myself. I know now that isn't the case. The saddest part is that I know my wife doesn't believe that it is a real thing and that I was using that as an excuse as to why I didn't want to do certain things. I remember, she told her mom once that she didn't need to be on anxiety meds either and that it was all in her head.

If it's effecting your daily life for an extended period of time (which it sounds obvious it does) you should be taking something for it. You may only have to take it for a year or two. Zoloft or something similar (SSRI or SNRI)is what you need. Keep in mind these drugs work differently for different people so you may have to try a couple.

It could be one less thing on your plate moving forward, and if you can get it under control I'm sure it will help to keep your focus on your DBing efforts.

Well I am going to my GP on Tuesday and my IC tomorrow. I am going to see what they have to say about it. Hopefully I can get on something that will help me live a normal life. Cor, I know you mentioned that you had similar anxiety. Did you find an SSRI that helped you? Were you able to function normally after that if you did? I just wish I could get to the place where I was comfortable with who I am and right now I don't know who that person is. I am figuring it out though

[BC39]

The saddest part is that I know my wife doesn't believe that it is a real thing and that I was using that as an excuse as to why I didn't want to do certain things. I remember, she told her mom once that she didn't need to be on anxiety meds either and that it was all in her head.

Thats a pretty narrow minded view point.

Cor, I know you mentioned that you had similar anxiety. Did you find an SSRI that helped you? Were you able to function normally after that if you did?

I took Celexa, but like I said each one works different for each person, talk to your doc. Yes I was able to function normally. You should find over time that the little things that were making you anxious in the past don't make you anxious anymore, then overtime those little things turn into more significant things. You have nothing to loose by trying them, in my opinion. I also recommend you see a Psychiatrist or Psychologist to help you better understand and help you.

In the meantime there is a TON of reputable info online to educate yourself on the subject.
http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/default.htm

[AnotherStander]

I am still having this problem unfortunately. No matter how tired I am, I can't seem to get my brain to shut off at night.

Are you taking the A/Ds in the morning or evening? I was put on Viibryd, I was taking it in the evenings and was totally wired for sound when trying to sleep at night. When I did finally go to sleep I would wake up every hour on the hour. Frustrating. So they gave me a benzo to help sleep. That worked, but dang, I would wake up groggy/ dizzy/ fuzzy-headed and it would take hours to go away. The doc told me it was the Viibryd, but it was the benzo. I moved the Viibryd to morning and quit taking the benzo and that did the trick. I have slept great ever since. The thing about A/D's is they put the most into your system right after you take them and then slowly ramp down the rest of the day. So if you take them in the morning, by evening they're at a low enough level to allow sleep. But take them in the evening and you're trying to sleep when they're maxed out.

Has anyone had good or bad experiences on Zoloft before??

My W has been on Zoloft over 10 years and swears by it. I had a rough time with the Viibryd for the first few weeks, but after that it got a lot better. It really got me past the rough spots. I've since tapered down to a really low dose.

[Grateful]

Zoloft is a seritonin (? spelling) stimulator. It kept me awake at night.

[PeteWyo]

Zoloft is a seritonin (? spelling) stimulator. It kept me awake at night.

Just saw a class action lawsuit for Zoloft on TV last night that it causes brain damage, so that is out! I was on Lexapro once before for a short period and didn't have any negative side effects, maybe I will try that again.