Tonight drove with YD and her BF two hours to watch OD in a theater production at her college. We left early today and spent the day just going thru shops and eating. Way too much eating! (I still can't gain weight). Stress must burn calories.
On the drive I was thinking about H. Somedays I'm in my empowerment and high self esteem mode. Other days I'm a pathetic mess. Today has been a stronger day, so far. I wait to answer some of my OD questions about me and H when I see her in person.
We talked today about my meeting with the L and my talk with my FIL. Both girls support me 100%. Which is really nice to have. They think the same things I do. They dont believe the man that they knew as Dad is the same man that has given up on them. We all would like for him to come back, but realize we don't have control over what he does. The girls are ready to move on and stop being stuck in the sadness everyday.
The girls felt better about their college and expenses after I told them what the lawyer said. They were glad to hear that I would have money to take care of myself. H is going to be pretty tight financially if he does go thru with divorce. He will have so much that he will be responsible for.
Well, I'm going to watch my daughter shine on stage!! :o)
Tonight drove with YD and her BF two hours to watch OD in a theater production at her college. We left early today and spent the day just going thru shops and eating. Way too much eating! (I still can't gain weight). Stress must burn calories.
On the drive I was thinking about H. Somedays I'm in my empowerment and high self esteem mode. Other days I'm a pathetic mess. Today has been a stronger day, so far. I wait to answer some of my OD questions about me and H when I see her in person.
We talked today about my meeting with the L and my talk with my FIL. Both girls support me 100%. Which is really nice to have. They think the same things I do. They dont believe the man that they knew as Dad is the same man that has given up on them. We all would like for him to come back, but realize we don't have control over what he does. The girls are ready to move on and stop being stuck in the sadness everyday.
The girls felt better about their college and expenses after I told them what the lawyer said. They were glad to hear that I would have money to take care of myself. H is going to be pretty tight financially if he does go thru with divorce. He will have so much that he will be responsible for.
Well, I'm going to watch my daughter shine on stage!! :o)
Have a BLAST -- that's what ya gotta do get the hell out and have some FUN !!
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
So, today I get an email from H. We all are here to put our marriages back together. My H has known that I love him and want our marriage. He keeps talking about "working together on this process". I told him I did not want to meet with a mediator. He believes I have a lawyer. Then his next statement is, "do you mind telling me who you have as a lawyer and if I am going to be served with papers?" WHAT???? He thinks I'm going to serve HIM with papers???? Now I know he's not thinking clearly at all.
I also told him about a checking account I opened and what I was transferring money for into the account. Yet, he still asks about the account and the money. I don't think H likes not having control over my decisions.
You know your h better than we do...so, does he sound worried or happy about the fact that he thinks you have a lawyer?
Oh, I think your h is hoping that you will go ahead and get the ball rolling on a divorce. They have tunnel vision and I bet he was quite beside himself when you stated that you didn't want to meet w/a mediator. They don't think clearly and jump the gun on so much stuff.
If he asks again, just say "H, I do not want to meet w/a mediator. I did not address the subject of a lawyer in my response to you. No, you are not being served w/papers".
If this checking account is solely in your name, you do not need to be discussing it w/him. If he should question you about it again, just advise him that it is your personal account and you will not be discussing it w/him.
You have to nip his control in the bud when it comes to your personal checking account. It's none of his business. You've already advised him why you set it up and what the funds were being used for. You don't need to keep rehashing this out w/him, especially in text messages.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He is probably PO at the thought of me getting a lawyer. He will mad about the money it will cost. No way in the world I would go into a divorce with him in charge. He is NOT in his right mind. He can't remember stuff I told him a week ago. Plus, he's making stupid decisions that already effect my life. I'm happy with my lawyer.
I will NEVER serve him with papers. That is crazy that he said it. Maybe he was pushing me. There have many days that I have wanted to walk away from all this. But, I never have and I don't see myself doing it.
You have pretty much said the exact same words that I have prepared to send him the next time he asks about any of this. I stopped sending him emails. I answer the ones he sends me, eventually. I don't plan on giving him any more money info. I'm not sending him an itemized list of what I spend money on. I don't want him knowing what I do. It's nothing exciting, but I still don't want him to know
I have to preface this before I write the next few sentences. I am a woman who family comes first. I work at one of the High Schools in town with special needs teenagers. I teach them functional skills to help them when they graduate. I go to all my Ds things, even the one in college. I dress nicely, not slutty. I don't use bad words (not often anyway . I wear name brand clothes and carry Coach or Vera Bradley purses. So, anyway you get the idea of my being.
But, I do have a little bit of a "fun" side. I got my belly button pierced about 10 years ago, just because I thought it would be fun. Recently I got two fairly small tattoos . They're in a place that I think looks good and sexy, but they are not distasteful. I love them, that's all the matters. I do drink on occasion, but rarely get drunk. I like to open my sun roof on my car, roll down the windows and crank up my Bose speakers and listen to (and usually sing along) Def Lepard, "Pour Some Sugar on Me". I am the cool Mom and the Kool-Aid Mom all wrapped into one.
So, I do use the joint account to the place where I got my tattoos and belly ring.It's also a store. They sell adult stuff on one side that's closed off and Toms shoes on the other side. I want him wondering what I'm buying in there. Plus, I have been putting all my Victoria Secret purchases on the joint account debit card. Even if its for my Ds. I want him wondering. Not if I'm having an affair, but that I'm not on the floor in a heap. I think I'm going with a friend this weekend to an upscale bar. That will be on the joint account too. I know he'll realize what I'm trying to do, it's pretty clear. But, it's a little different than how I was before. I want for him to see a more outgoing/wild side. BTW, he's never seen the tattoos.
I think I'm doing better with how I'm handling the email situation. That's all I get, emails.....so personal.
I'm glad you've learned that he's not in his right mind. LOL! Their memory becomes mush during the crisis and you are absolutely right..they can't remember what's been told to them last week!
I think he was hoping you'd have him served. He was very quick to inquire about that.
I think you are doing better w/the emails too. Keep them short and direct. Only respond to his questions and do not give him any additional information, especially in writing that can be used against you at a later date.
Sounds to me like you've got a plan for the weekend. Enjoy and have some fun.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
"I understand what the joint account is for. I see the bills being paid out of the joint account but then I see all of the withdrawls to a bunch of accounts that I can't see and don't know anything about.
I'm sorry that you don't want to work together on this. I guess if you think it's better to give away thousands of dollars that we don't have to lawyers then there is nothing I can do about it. Do you mind telling me who you have as a lawyer and if I am going to be served papers?"
I told him about the account I opened. He also knows both our Ds have accounts. The "bunch" of accounts he's talking about are..3. He doesn't remember anything I say. I find it VERY interesting that he's asking me if I'M going to serve HIM papers!!!!! WTH????
. I wear name brand clothes and carry Coach or Vera Bradley purses. So, anyway you get the idea of my being.