first time need help - still (new thread?)

[albamarie]

''he's nicer than has been in years- but i'd think he also thinks how he is free to just do whateverthehell he wants''.

My H started the nice, no yelling thing a few months back. It does throw you, but don't read anything into it, it's just a new phases he's going through. It really means nothing, just take it - be nice back, not expectations.

''was thinking maybe this is "it" forever- i don't like this "it".

That's was my worry to like ok now he's nice, but I don't like him, he's still and a$$, but everything I read points to a new phase. I know they will finally settle on one character and I did fear this was it, but I think he has to finish coming out of all the phases, before he settles in.

Read - http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=109240&page=1
It's about the 6 stages - It helped me understand soo much. I hope it helps you, it is great read!

''what if you and I are merely having trouble breaking a bad habit (well a good habit that went bad)?????''

Oh, yea there's some of that in there as well. We want our lives we made and don't like change! But, here it is and we're fighting mad , and mad

I don't like some of the things about myself during this sitch. I can only pray I come out a better, more secure person for someone else to appreciate and love.

Your perfect mate is based on how the person makes you feel about yourself, well he makes me feel awful, just plain awful! So I am becoming more comfortable with the idea that I need a new mate, or even one at all since I seem to have nobody now!

He no longer gets that power over me, even during our marriage he wasn't everything I wanted, but you make excuses, or weight it out with the good they do provide. He doesn't deserve that understanding from me anymore, that sacrifice I made when he was quirky and antisocial.

I will play out the stages, see who he will be in the end, but I will not cheat myself out of a better future if he doesn't meet my needs as a partner.

It's been 3yrs since he flipped and 1 & 1/2 yrs ago he had an A, no A for a yr now, but continue's an emotional affair so he can have someone junkie with junkie friends to smoke, drink, and hang with. He hates himself so has to express that with these junkies then come home to be human again.

I don't want to be "one" phase of his new life anymore, his fall back, his security, it's getting old fast, and what's in it for me.

Your right we're stuck! What to do - not much, let it play out all the way through so we know where we land is not forced, but hopefully a happy secure "this is were I belong, finally"!