W cried to me saying that all she wanted when she told me about OM and how she felt was to get some form of emotion out of me. I had emotions but they didnt come out. I didnt cry, hug her, get angry or anything else... I just sat there with a blank face as I processed it all.. In fact I have only cried ONCE since this whole thing went down and that was to a friend of mine, I quickly suppressed the tears... Whats wrong with me?!?!? I couldnt even cry in front of W at my grandmothers funeral... In fact as I write this I see how emotionally void I have been all these years.. How could anyone love someone who expresses no emotions??
Heed this, big time. I had an EA a long time ago and it was all about trying to get my H's attention and feeling wanted and desired. (Sick, I know) I liked being pursued and when we got married the pursuit stopped. Your W may feel the same way, it's all rote and routine now
And yes, you need to go slowly but your W needs all of you, now just the parts you feel she can handle. You aren't being fair because you're keeping part of yourself, a very important part, away from her.
I've had this posted on my bulletin board since soon after my H left: Pretending that painful or negative feelings do not exist doesn't keep relationships more intimate. It can even create inner distance when I act as if the intimate R is not strong enough to hold pain, anger or hate. Powerful feelings can be frightening, but denying their presence keeps me from deeper layers of self. When my intimate Rs are able to hold the powerful, paradoxical feelings of love and hate, anger and forgiveness, something deep within me can relax and let go. If they are not able to do this, I need to withdraw from the R in order to be myself.
I can hold angst.
DO NOT look this gift horse in the mouth.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
