I just want to say it sounds like you're doing quite well for yourself LS. I don't think I was as detached at 2 months as you are. Best wishes to you and your M.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I just want to say it sounds like you're doing quite well for yourself LS. I don't think I was as detached at 2 months as you are. Best wishes to you and your M.
FY at first when i started overcoming my issues, i was actually afraid, I didn't love her as much as i thought i did, when i felt detached this fast. I was actually scared with her moving out, I may be the one who doesn't want to work on it.
Truth is, I love her alot and I accept my faults in our marriage and I want her to be happy with or without me. Soooooo, why worry as much. I will just treat her like single lady, i really want to get to know her, but hey we all get denied by someone.
Plus even if i fail, i know i got 3 wonderful boys, who i can love for a very long time.
FY at first when i started overcoming my issues, i was actually afraid, I didn't love her as much as i thought i did, when i felt detached this fast. I was actually scared with her moving out, I may be the one who doesn't want to work on it.
Truth is, I love her alot and I accept my faults in our marriage and I want her to be happy with or without me. Soooooo, why worry as much. I will just treat her like single lady, i really want to get to know her, but hey we all get denied by someone.
Plus even if i fail, i know i got 3 wonderful boys, who i can love for a very long time.
I still believe it is highly unlikely she will find long term happiness leaving you and her family for this new guy. Don't be surprised when it doesn't last and she wants back in. Especially when she sees the new you. Then it's all up to you how you want to handle things.
Are you guys going through with D, or holding off on that?
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I still believe it is highly unlikely she will find long term happiness leaving you and her family for this new guy. Don't be surprised when it doesn't last and she wants back in. Especially when she sees the new you. Then it's all up to you how you want to handle things.
Are you guys going through with D, or holding off on that?
Nobody thinks she will find happiness with the new guy, but I understand her need to do this. With my changes, I am sure its making it harder for her (hence why she is still going on dates with me). The changes, I am making for myself is making me complete. I always been a soft and caring guy, just failed in communication in our marriage. Showing the wrong type of love too. I guess thats why i feel so confident about myself on rebounding. There will be someone else who is going to be happy with me and I won't make the same mistakes.
As for her wanting her back, I already told myself, it will only happen if these 2 things happen.
1. She open communicates that she wants to make this work. She doesn't need to even aplogoize for her actions.
2. She has to make changes for herself to match my changes. I can't accept the old her.
IF she can't meet those 2 things, then I can't accept her back. She should know the amount of pain she has caused and now i am expecting her to give back.
As for D, it was my idea to file (I threatened) and well like people said follow through it. She originally wanted a legal seperation. So she filed the papers, but she asked me to not sign it (the last time we talked about D). We did talk about money, custody of the kids, everything, so if this happens, we will do this without lawyers.
So i figure, we got at least 2 years if I don't sign it. Who knows, maybe i might sign it earlier. Like i said 6 months is my timeline. I won't allow myself to be held hostage in this.
Either I am the right guy, right family or I am not. None of this long term limbo crap. Plus just because we D, doesn't mean we can't always re-marry if we feel the connection is still there. So having a D isn't scaring me, its just a piece of paper. As for as I am concerned, our relationship is over when she said she wanted to be with OM. Paper or not, that was the day it ended for me.
WOW, can I be your date?!! What a great time it sounds like it will be!
Your mindset is amazing!
I so wish my H would agree to a date. Alas, when I brought it up lightly in the not-so-distant past he said he is not in a place to do that right now.
Good for YOU!
TG at least you appreciate it
TG, if you go on a date with your H, make sure you treat him like a new person. No expections of H/W relationship. It will make the date that much better because you wont' be there thinking or judging him on his past behaviors.
Update from my date
I had a great time yesterday not sure about my W because she is under alot of stress and she looks tired. I think she had an "okay" time. I know the bigger issue is, she isn't allowing herself to have a great time because I already know her heart isn't into it. But oh well, at least i had a good time and i know if her heart was in it, she would of really enjoyed it.
We ate a great meal. The setting was romantic , the dishes where fancy, yummy and $$$. I dressed my best.
The Concert was awesome!!! Had a really good time.
I listened, I flirted, I smiled and no talks of R.
She even asked me to book a room overnight and I did, but we may as well have been in seperate rooms.....but i swear in any other date...it would of been a great night.
But hey she is a date after all but I do know this, if i took a women out and did what i did above and she wasn't happy, i wouldn't have a 2nd date. But since this is my W and my timeline is 6 months...try try again.
But at least I accomplished Detatching, GAL and 180 all in 1 night. I kind of felt sorry for her too, her I was, a better me (in a few more months, even better), the father of her 3 kids and she wants to test the other side. But then i said to myself "why am i feeling sorry, she is the one missing out"
Here is the bigger kicker, in the morning. I told her, hope you had fun because this will be our 2nd to last date. Last date will be her birthday
She said "what do you mean?". I said well your moving out and i am going to be working from home, taking care of the kids M-F. I won't have time or energy to date anymore because I am going to be busy being a great dad. But if you want to join us on family events, your more than welcome too.
She gave me a look and said nothing. I smiled and walked away.
And, too bad for her that she didn't have a great time on the awesome date you planned for the two of you. However, I am more impressed w your great attitude DESPITE her lack of enthusiam.
You couldn't have done more...and she'll leave wondering what if... (I had let myself enjoy this!).
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
