FY is correct and from my readings across many forums and discussions with many people who have gone through similar issues. I realized no matter what I do, i can't force the person to come back. LBS have already taken that step to met in the middle, its the WAS that has to take that step.
So the only thing you can do is work on yourself to be a better person with no expectations that your S is coming back. Many of us initally do not want to admit this, we hate admitting its over. But it is over, but it doesn't mean a new chapter can't start. The new chapter can be with or without your spouse. Yes it hurts, it always hurts. It hurts even when you think you are detatched.
So for me (FY gave you the view). I simply said, i need to let her go. But i follow these rules as i let her go.
1. Its okay to feel emotions, just do it without your spouse 2. Be nice, be respectful and be there for your your ex-spouse. Just like a friend. Don't go the extra mile, just treat her/him like a buddy. 3. Flirt but do not think you are chasing her/him. Remember we all flirt with people we like, its natural. It doesn't mean you want him, just flirt because it makes you feel good. 4. Make yourself happy and others will be happy around you. 5. Stop protecting your spouse, its over. He/She can go do whatever they want, but you need to stop worrying over it because it is over.
I think maybe even easier to summon this up, i think this is in one of the books. Begin from the beginning mindset. Forget he/she has a past with you. Simply treat them like its all new. Yes this is extremely hard but if you really think about it.......
The old relationship is over, if you find a new person, you are starting from the beginning, so why not do it with your ex-spouse.
Those are my mind set as i work it out. I won't lie, i want it to have a happy ending, but at the same time for my own sanity I understand our old relationship is over. I don't want that old relationship because it failed.
I want a new relationship, i prefer my W but if not..then some other girl will be lucky with my experience. I thank my W for giving me this experience on being a better person. Just a shame, i couldn't do this for her while we were M.
