Thank you again Accuray for the wonderful insight! Some of these things I already know but it helps to keep hearing them over and over again. I feel like it would be so much easier if he and OW broke it off, even if he didnt come back. I just hate knowing she is enjoying MY H! But, Is it really the H I knew that she is enjoying of this new person?
I must say, that my D14 told me last night the dad texted her and he isnt able to get a 2nd job for the govt because he already works for govt and it will be conflict of interest. I kinda figured this would be the case, but I was kinda happy. I hate to say that..but I just dont like for things to go his way right now since he has done such harm and hurt to us. I know this is not nice for me to think or say, and Im not that kind of person...but honestly, these are the consequences of leaving.
He asked what she wanted for Christmas so he can start budgeting! Funny, H has NEVER bought them a Christmas gift, ever. I do all the shopping and getting. Its weird to hear him thinking of these things already....He is giving them a $300 budget each..
Im the middle of writing this, I just got a text from H that said that I should be a comedy writer...that my facebook post was funny and I am acting like a victim? First, he doesnt have a facebook so maybe he family said something, and 2nd, it was a motivational quote...nothing bad. I never post anything, so I guess he saw this somehow:( He also texted that he is cutting off my cell phone this minute...so I will have no contact with my kids after school today:(
I just dont get him.. and how is still so mean to me...his PREGNANT WIFE...MOTHER OF HIS KIDS:(
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
Last night, as mentioned in previous post, I put a motivational quote on Facebook. It said something to the effect of:
"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened…or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on"
Today, I get a text from H:
H: You should be a comedy writer...facebook posts are hysterical...victim
H: FYI..removing you from the cell phone accout right now
Me: Can you wait until later so I can have contact with the girls afterschool?
H: Too late
So, I emailed him this:
me: That was very nasty and unfair treatment of me today. You have left me to have no contact with my kids after school, and they both are going in different directions. I don't think that this was a fair way to handle things:(
His response:
Don't know how you can use the word "unfair" when you talk to me.
Consider it one of the pieces of the puzzle on the floor... you have been unfair to me too... sorry but I have things I need to do and I'm getting them done as I can...
Just call sprint and reactivate the line on your own plan... it'll take you 15 minutes... Even if you don't have the 15 minutes, I think you'll still be able to get in touch with the children. I'm pretty sure you'll go and tell them, "Look what you're dad did to me!" Have some grace and stop trying to paint yourself as a victim and look for sympathy and pity all the time
I am so upset over this. Did I do the wrong thing by emailing or putting a quote on facebook? I can tell you that TONS of people responded to my post on facebook and also, tons of people like it...so maybe he was pissed when he saw my support? I feel like I made a wrong choice somewhere? I need advice?
I am not responding to his email..just gotta go out and get my own phone tonight.
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
Sweetbriar, He is retaliating because you will not allow him to stay in the home one or two nights a week. He's having a temper tantrum like a two year old. Call Sprint and explain the situation to them and they should help you. My xh threatened to do the same thing my house phone when my father was due to go in from surgery. I called Verizon and explained the situation and the rep was wonderful and changed the phone/bill into my name. They see this a lot.
Call them now and get this taken care of today. You need to be able to be in touch w/your girls. It's a crazy world out there. I would also advise my lawyer of what he's done. Actually, provide your lawyer w/a copy of the message.
Now about facebook, are you sure...you need to be careful what you are posting there. It could be a family member that has sent on your posting. It's obvious that your quote rubbed him the wrong way and yes, the support is what pissed him off. He doesn't like it that you've got support and the guilt and shame of what he's doing is eating at him.
Listen, I'm going to be very honest w/you...it will get worse before it gets better. You need to start thinking about changing the name on the all of the utility bills. If he cut your cell service today, heaven knows what will be the next thing he does. Have you notified your car insurance provider that he's moved out? You might want to discuss all of this w/your lawyer. I don't like the avenue he's traveling down right now.
One more thing...he's in IT correct? You might want to have someone take a look at your computer and see if there are any programs on there for him to have access to your keystrokes and information remotely. My xh had a command typed in so that he could access our email remotely and see what he or I would receive and responses. His mother told me about it because he had shared w/her some things that I had posted to some friends of mine that wasn't related to him or his crazymaking. I spoke to an IT rep at work and they told me what to look for and sure enough...I found the command and deleted. I never told him what I had done and he was furious when he couldn't access the account any longer remotely and one more thing that I did, I contacted my provider, explained the situation, and we worked together to change the userid and password w/the stipulation that no one was to have access to that account w/o my knowledge.
Whatever you do, do not back down on your boundary of him staying at the house. He's trying to bend you to his will. Please be careful...I don't like his behavior one bit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Who cares what he thinks of your Facebook posts? Block him and OW on Facebook. When you call Sprint please please ask them to block texting from H's number. It is now time for you to stop responding to H. You don't need to respond at all unless its logistics or safety about your daughters. Make him wonder what you're up to. Make him wonder what you are thinking. No more transparency, no more reactions. If he is mean, don't let him know that it has effected you. "I'm sorry you feel that way" type responses. Always take the high road just like your friend did. He gave up antagonizing her.
Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Great advice. ^^^ I also "defriended" anyone who was related to H or friends with him on FB. I set all my privacy settings to "friends" only and "blocked" specific people completely so they have no idea if I'm even still on FB. If you "block" someone specifically, you can't see them at all nor read any of their comments. I found this gave me more peace of mind so I couldn't see H's family postings and imagine he was with them having the time of his life...
Just a suggestion.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I went out and got a brand new cell phone account tonight:) New company and new phone number, which I am not giving H.
Today is a holiday that they celebrate in his country. (He was born and raised here..he is American, but this is a holiday we always used to go to his parents and celebrate with them to honor India). He had the nerve to text my kids and send a picture of his mom and their cousin celebrating at the house. My youngest was so upset that she wasnt invited. She broke down in tears and said "mom, things will never be the same". I feel sad for her...she doesnt deserve this...they used to love going there for this celebration!
I am so angry that he would send that to them...to rub it in their faces that they are celebrating without the kids. He really is in mean mode right now.
D texted back and that she appreciated the invite, (sarcastically) but that they wouldnt have been interested in coming anyway...he just responded, Thanks, that makes me feel really good. He also mentioned that he wasnt having a good time. Well..obviously He wanted my girls upset, that is why he sent a picture...
What an A$$ he has been today....
Also...H does NOT have facebook, nor does OW. Im not sure who relayed this message to him from Facebook...oh well..I can say what I want...If I really wanted to GET to him, I could be posting everything I do and how much fun Im having....but Im not like that. I post ONE motivational quote and get "in trouble" for it..whatever..
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
He is scary! He has called me the villian since the beginning because he could take NO blame.
Is it normal for them to get even meaner and nastier...ugggg?
I am being careful. The cell phone was the last thing besides the car Insurance (which Im working on changing) that we have jointly. All the utilities are in my name. It [censored]...who would have thought that it would go this way...I surely didnt. I thought he would have some remorse and at least try to be nice. I remember him saying in the beginning when he asked "for a year separtion and see where we are in a year" that he would NEVER LET ME DROWN and that he will always be here to help the girls and I. QUite frankly, he has done nothing so far to help...if he thinks paying the mortgage is helping, well..he was ordered to do that.
During text last night to D14 he mentioned how he wasnt feeling good and he had chills and how he wasnt having fun at his parents and he was sad that he couldnt get part time job..etc....ALL COMPLAINTS TO MY KID!!! She had to tell him to not worry and he will find something else, to which he replied "thanks, I know I need to keep my head up". OMG...he is seeking advice from his 14 year old...good grief....
Wanted to badly to respond to his last email last night but I didnt. I knew it would go no where good....
Where is OW in all this? Cant she give him advice and give him sympathy about him being sick?
Im still not over the fact that he rubbed it in my kids face last night that they werent there to be with the cousins and family. I went to bed sad, that my kids got sad over that. Just not fair to them...they didnt ask for any of this...but then again...neither did I!
Just venting this morning...
M:36 H:36 D14, D11, Baby due in March M:15 T:18 Met OW: 3/12 H Moved out: 8/12 Legal Sep: 11/5/12
SB, you need to live for you and your children. This man/child needs to grow up. Please stop allowing him to control your emotions, you have value and are special. Make your way in life and he may like the new you but do this for YOU.
Take care of yourself
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Sweetbriar, your husband is behaving like a child. Let him wallow in it and don't take his crap on.
My sense is he was looking for three things from your D, and none of them is advice. 1. Pity: "oh daddy you're in such a hard spot" 2. Worship: "...but you're doing all this anyway. You're my hero!" 3. Free pass: "we'll be fine. You to do what makes you happy."
Until he grows up he will continue to think in this self-absorbed way. If it were me I would tell him in no uncertain terms that he is not to talk to my children in a way that makes them feel bad, that includes self-piteous moaning. But I'm all about drawing hard lines.
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
