Hello all.. again.Kinda on a rant here, would love a little input to help me with my decision.
Im curious as to what people would think about this and could use a little guidance.
So it's almost been one year since XH has introduced the kids to the OW. The OW makes no effort to connect with these kids....still to this day! She remains in her very own world, never speaking to them or barely speaking to them when the girls are with their father. She refuses to do anything with them as a group when together and remains completely focused on XH. Yet when the girls cousin comes over she makes a point of talking alot with her.
Bil and SIL see and witness this. Apparently XH is oblivious to the girls NOT LIKING THIS WOMAN, OR IS IN SERIOUS DENIAL. Xh has not once talked to the girls about this woman, or why they're not comfortable with her. Or ask what they woul need from her or him to help them feel more welcome or comfortable. Not once.
WE opened up the discussion on handling the Holidays last night. I asked him if we were going strictly by the book on this one, or are we going to work together. Given strictly by the divorce rule book means they'd stay half of Xmas vacation with him. Xh says to me " I figured we wouldn't do it by the book because I know they don't like staying at the apartment when Im not here, even though they're always welcome".
The girls don't like hanging out there because THEY DON'T FEEL WELCOME IN OW'S PRESENCE. They feel like guests, hell not even guests. They feel like an inconvienence.
Given this has been going on for a year, I really want to tell XH that the girls don't want to be hanging around his place with just her there while he's at work because THEY DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE AROUND HER. They feel like she doesn't want them around.
HE IS COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to what the girls see or feel in that situation. Which really makes sense because XH has always lived in a world where he sticks his head in the sand over important issues. If it's uncomfortable, but can be avoided, he will avoid at all costs. Even his own children.
Look guys, Im sorry but I know it's really hard for the kids in these situations. I really do. In my case, How XH introduced OW intp their life was horribly traumatic for them and the girls still have an underlying resentment. But based on Xh actions he seems to have the attitude of " look this is my life and I will do what I want to do. You have no choice but to accept it whether you like it or not".
I know children can be very stubborn in accepting the other person in a parent's life. But it really appears that OW has no desire to have anything to do with the girls, and really is jealous of the girls when they come over. Gee would you feel not welcome if the OP was purposely ignoring you, making a point of NOT talking to you, while she was hanging all over your father?
SIL has suggested many things to this OW in ways to try and connect with the girls. OW always has an excuse as to why she can't.
Ok I've ranted enough...my dilema is if I should very carefully bring this up to XH.
I would like to say something along the lines of " the girls don't like being at your place when you're not there because they don't feel completely welcome. It is not like it's their second home. They don't feel welcome by OW".
Yet I know that's nothing but opening a can of worms and just watering the little monster seed, and he will more than likely go into monster.
I swear.... history repeats itself. What he is doing is EXACTLY what his mother did to him time and time again with relationship after relationship. He never did like any of his mother's boyfriends and was forced to live with it because SHE WAS GOING TO DO WHAT SHE WAS GOING TO DO! I even witnessed it once years ago.Xh nearly lost his MIND. There was only one guy we all liked, and she dumped him like a hot potato.
I realize this is where Im behaving like a pursuer. My choice is to just listen to my kids bitch about their father and his OW all the time and he consistently tell me they're always welcome. He's said that to me before. "They're always welcome". I felt as if he was saying to me " OW is happy to take in the kids whether Im here or not if you ever need any help with them".
The woman's XH shoots my Xh in the flipping head, nearly kills him because of their AFFAIR THEY DENY, and she expects me to say "Oh other woman you're the baby sitter of the year!!".
I've ranted enough. XH is just trying to spin my a$$$ once again, that's all. This happens everytime. I can NEVER understand how on earth he can do such atrocities and then turn around and act like he's some wonderful father and XH. He's pulled this on me several times, acted so wonderful, helpful, and co parenting, all the while he was lying and stealing directly behind my back. When I called him on it, here comes monster trying to twist my words around and make me look like the fool and feel bad and be the person in the wrong.
I get caught up and have been hurt and horribly confused by this every time. I give credit to him and try very hard to think of him as a non manipulative caring man.
