Am I kidding myself.

[Hopefull2]

Thanks T2,
I think the expectation of bad news and the reality of my moving out of state got to me and i got desperate. I had several texts with W since the email and felt her to be a little short with me. So today i sent her an email. Long post just wanted to throw it out there...

EMAIL To Wife:
"W, I also would like to say a few things in opening myself up to you. First is that I want you to know that I care for you more than anything in this life. I still believe that there is hope for us and that I want to persue every option that at least gives us a chance and that when all is behind us we can look back and say we gave it our best effort, that we didn't just give up. Having said this I know that your hurts are real and that it may take time to work through things in your mind and heart. I am willing to let go, step back and allow you that time and space you need if that is what you want or need. I know that you do not trust counselors but I would say that there are many out there one of which, you might be surprised, could even help you deal with the many things that are deep in your heart and mind. I'm just saying if this was something you thought might help I will support you in it.

I am also willing to work with you and work to find a counselor that may be able to help the both of us to learn to communicate better, to learn to deal with the hurts that we both have. In looking back over our years I can see how many of my actions and attitudes, have caused pain that has been building up. Please believe me when I say I am sorry and that I do believe I can change. That we can "define" a new relationship that works for the both of us. If it is not through a counselor there are many programs and books that we can use that could help us along this path.

You have said recently several time "one day at a time or just live for the day". I may only understand this partially but I do believe that worrying about tomorrow does not help or change anything but I am also a realist in that I do care about what tomorrow brings.

Forgive me if this comes across pushy in any way, that is not my intent. There are some things here that I wanted to say that I fealt would come across "reactionary" if I didn't initiate them first.

I want us both to find the peace and contentment that I do believe is out there. "

Not sure what i am hoping for at this point. I need to stop this feeling of desperation and understand that all my acts of desperation will not work...