I finally talked to H today about a lot of our outstanding issues. I apologized for the anger and negativity. I still took a lot of it though. At one point I was almost begging him to help watch them. He simply isn't interested I don't think. He told me it might be better to just pay S14 to watch the others. Seriously. So then we really started getting into things as far as bills and what not. He really didn't believe me about a lot of things. Namely child support. The deal is he gets disability. As his dependents the kids do too. However, the kids benefits are actually paid to me. So I went to SS and had the direct deposit for them put to my individual account. He was telling me how I couldn't it was his money and blah blah blah. It is my understanding that those are only for the kids and should I have them stop their benefits it would not affect his in any way but he would have to pay child support. Somehow, this way he doesn't. I don't really understand it but whatever. So that was something he argued about. He was mad because I had said I was having it put in my account that I had already taken care of it. The other thing is he kept arguing over what bills are on auto pay and what are not. I tried to tell him but he was unwilling to listen. I would assume that he will find out the hard way. I am getting confused though. There was so much said. He basically said well if he watched them it would have to be with his GF/XW at his house. I said, I don't think they are ready for that. Their counselor doesn't think they are ready for that. He responded with "I don't believe in counselors" I said well I do. Then he started in on how I am not going to dictate to him. I did make the comment that well the judge will want to hear from her too. To that point he started saying, "are you threatening me?" I wasn't. Not in the least. I actually started crying at this point. I explained that no I wasn't threatening him. In our state if the minor children are seeing a counselor then the judge talks to them. Finally he did calm back down. However, it seemed like he was saying that in order for him to help then I HAD to force the kids to go over there with them. Like otherwise he wouldn't help. Finally I did say, I realize at some point they will have to deal with this but I'm not sure cramming her down their throats through the holidays is really the best idea. I think actually putting it in that context made him stop and think. I also asked what we were supposed to do for the holidays since we (the kids and I) were invited to both his Fathers and his Mothers house. He told me to take them that he hadn't been invited. Thank God for that. But that means he will make no effort to see them either. Anyway, I said you know they are having a very very hard time especially S14. I said look I know you say you didn't pull the trigger that time, and he said I didn't. I said, Yes you did. Then he said it wasn't loaded. Finally, I then relayed what heS14 had told me about seeing all of that with the gun and also about how S14 had kept that bullet. AND also that was the very same bullet he kept trying to get H to make him a necklace of. He never said a thing. He was completely silent. Finally I asked did you hang up on me? He said he didn't. We continued to talk a little bit about other bills. Somehow we got back on the D. He basically wants one just as fast as he can possibly get one and we all need to deal with XW because she is here to stay. Do you want to just sell everything and split it? is what he asked me. I said if that's what you want. I am not actually entitled to half I don't think because our property was gifted by his father. I said you know, I realize this is a new relationship or it feels like one to you but really you have not been around as much as they really need you to be. Another long silence. Me asking if he is still there.So I said, what do you want to do with the animals? He said what do you mean? I said his cat and our dogs. I am not sure if I will be able to take them. Again, silence. My impression is that he actually hadn't even thought that far ahead. Like I guess he just thought we would all be sitting here until whenever.
So I don't know. Yes, I was angry yesterday. I really have felt dumped on. Today has been awful. I have cried all day. Even before I talked to him. I do NEED you guys though. I don't know what to do.
I asked the kids actually because they are pretty adamant all the girls anyway about moving. They want us to do nothing for a while in the hopes she goes away and it falls apart. Of course, they didn't say that exactly but that is what I got from the conversation.
