Back to Square One?

[Wendylon]

Thank you so much, Tori, Arsene, labug, FY and Regretful. You are such stars!! You are really helping.

I will write more tomorrow (and maybe even get to some positives ab H--Tori) but wanted to report recent convo while it is still fresh.

H: You know you've been really different recently, right? In a good way.
Me: Hmm?
H: Well, I'm trying to figure out why. I think it might be because you've been having more regular massages.
Me: Really? [I was thrown by that guess because I haven't been having more regular massages!]
H: It was so weird yesterday morning when I was running late and you didn't comment. You can't imagine how different it feels. Usually, you're so anxious about what I'm up to that there is no room for me. I actually started feeling stressed about being late myself. It was the most extraordinary thing.
Me: Hmm (in positive tone)

I then went up to see kids and then he called me down to watch The Good Wife and even stayed a few seconds before bolting out of the room. Said he was glad I'd ordered Season Three so we could carry straight on tomorrow. I asked if he could ferry D15 around tomorrow evening and he said he could. He's now retreated to his study and I probably won't see much of him until tomorrow.

As FY pointed out, it has taken us years to get here and will take time and awareness to break the cycle.

I still need to improve the WOA and praise. I recognised an actor from The Wire in The Good Wife and H said he thought it was one of the cops in The Wire. I responded enthusiastically with "Yeah, you're right!" That's small but I will try to show him he's right about something at least once a day.

I managed not to comment about the fact that he got me to repeat everything I said at some point this evening. Either he's going deaf or buys himself time by not really listening. Anyway, I just repeated. I also managed not to answer him impatiently when he asked where S17 was. He often asks me where the kids are when they are simply where you'd expect them to be. In this case, S17 was watching a film on his laptop in bed. When I said "In bed", H seemed really surprised. I didn't say, "Where else would you expect him to be at this time of night on a weekday?"

I'd say there was only one pretty small negative from me today. H forwarded me an email from S13's school saying we owed them for school lunches. I emailed H back saying that S13 doesn't have school lunches (we send him in with packed lunches). I didn't mean that H didn't realise that but I was sort of responding to the school's email through him. H emailed me back saying "I know S13 doesn't eat the school lunch". I emailed saying "I know you know". H thinks I treat him like a moron but that's because I can never count on what he knows/remembers or doesn't. I wasn't telling him that S13 doesn't eat school lunches this time. Anyway, given our history, I should have been a bit more careful in my wording.

I'm feeling less upset about H leaving me to finish my supper alone in the kitchen the other day. I noticed that H always leaves the kitchen first--as soon as he's finished his supper. His usual excuse is that he needs to floss his teeth. I think it's a bit of an ADD thing. Other things beckon. I don't think it is really personal to me. I don't take S13's actions personally when he says "Good bye, Mummy" when he wants me to leave him alone. I figure H's actions are a bit the same.

I booked a table at the new restaurant that H was raving about. They only occasionally do supper and I'd asked to be on the mailing list. I booked as soon as I got the email saying they were open this Friday for supper as I figured it would be sold out really quickly. I asked H if he wanted to go and he accepted enthusiastically. I was thinking to myself that I'd go with D15 if he was busy so I wasn't feeling too dependent on him.

I also suggested that we organise a Xmas get-together this year to thank S13's carers as it's two years since we've done it. H liked the idea. As for the moustache party, he told me on Sunday that he's not sure he wants to go anymore. He said the same friends were getting together a few days later and maybe that would be more fun. They'd be going to some Portuguese restaurant. I said that sounded fun and he seemed surprised and asked if I'd want to go. We'll see what happens.

Thank you again, all of you. I feel as if I have an army of coaches helping me to get and stay on track.