Yes, Kitti, it does get better. Your previous post was full of positives - so that part is definitely getting better. That stabbing pain in your heart when you think about the bomb - that takes a little longer. For me, even with my H being 100% there for me - took about a year. I'd say it's only now that it doesn't really grab my heart the way it used to. For you, since your H is much slower to come around, it will probably take a little longer. But it will get better, so stay focused on those positives
ellie - you are a trooper ya know? you really don't give up on anyone do you? you are such a prime example of what it truly means to db...thanks for the visit, and thanks for the words of encouragement - one of my goals this year was to make sure i find at least 3 positives a day in my life - i will not stop that
pib - thank you pib - you too are a fine example of pure patience and look how it's worked out for you, you are the one that ROCKS
Quote: NOT! You have done a great job! You validated, you didn't push. Just because his alien response didn't match a non alien expectation, don't think you didn't do good, cause YA DID!
Kitti take Water's words to heart! You handled it wonderfully! Don't measure your DBing by his knee-jerk response. That reaction is based on how he is dealing with his issues about the reunion / past ... not about your input. Now let him mull it over some more and that is where the impact of your DBing will take place and the next time he brings up the reunion with you, it will most likely be with a more positive demeanor.
From Kitti:
Quote: i just realized that today is 8 months post bomb...
does it ever get any better???
Having a hard time looking beyond the trees Kitti? Let me take you up in a hot air balloon so you can get a better view ... Is it better now than it was a month ago? ... and was that better than three months ago? ... and so on? Look out over the trees from this balloon kitti ... where you were 8 months ago is over there ... towards the horizon from where you are now.
As long as you continue to strive at making today better than yesterday ... it will get better. OK? I'll now ease you back down into those trees ... keep posting those positives ... they're your compass to let you know you're heading in the right direction. Focus on trusting and getting comfortable that they are reading true.
thank you for that wonderful ride. and yes, i must admit things are better today then they were even just a month ago, but a hell of a lot better than things were 8 months ago today, that is for dang sure
and as far as the reunion goes? thank you for again letting me know this is HIS issue, not MINE - he is dealing with HIS past (after all, he married his high school sweetheart the first time and then he will show up with another woman? - he would have some explaining to do)
1) hubby came home early from work yesterday. see hubby is self employed and when he has run his route for the day he has pretty much free time. now there was a time not to long ago that he would spend time ELSEWHERE after he was done with his route, now he comes straight home - by elsewhere is that he would go anywhere as long as it wasn't home - he would show up at dinnertime
2) since he was home early, he washed my car! (acts of service)
3) hubby again cooked dinner last night - mmmm, grilled country style ribs...
4) hubby wanted to watch a movie together, so we started, only problem is i fell asleep
5) for the longest time after the bomb, hubby would come to bed with regular shorts, belt and all (as if i was gonna attack him or something) - he is feeling much more comfortable lately to come to bed with his boxers like he used to do...
6) hubby called and checked in on me three times yesterday. i have been noticing that calls are getting a little less frequent, but he has been a tad more busy so that could explain things
deb - thank you sweetie, for constantly being upbeat about my sitch altho you seem to be on the lower end of your rollercoaster right now, but wait, it's heading back up, so be prepared for the ride!!!
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POSITIVES
1) hubby came home early again yesterday, but i took the advantage to take a nap cause i didn't get good sleep the night before and i was headed to inlaws for the weekend (2.5 hours away) so i wanted my rest before i left. he told me he would make sure daughter didn't bother me, so that was nice...
2) when i woke up he just wanted to hang with me, so we had about a 20 minute conversation on the new scoring system of nascar.
3) he told me to go ahead and spend what i needed to on the trip over to the inlaws, get some dinner for the kids and stuff (not usually like him about finances) but i called him during our trip and told him that inlaws had dinner ready for us so no worries, so he told me, then stop for a snack, so we did
4) he called about 4 times while i was driving, to make sure we were ok. concerned i guess
5) he told me he would call again at 9 just before we went to bed, and he did
6) have i ever mentioned how much i LOVE my inlaws??? they are all fantastic people
he calls me about an hour ago...here i am 2.5 hours away, and he has a chance to SLEEP in (which he absolutely loves and usually wouldn't get out of bed until noon) but i get this call around 8:15 telling me he just had a nightmare
he sounded DEAD to the world, and he calls me to tell me of his dream, so i listen, and laugh with him cause it was a funny nightmare and try to reassure him and then he wants to know about the kids and what our plans are then tells me he is going back to sleep
why can't HE see that he cares for me? that he calls me with these little things? why can't it sink into his THICK skull???
- he would have some explaining to do)