Dealing with the reality of separation

[PeteWyo]

Thank you for all the great feedback. I know you are right about her wanting to hear something. Right now she wants to hear that I forgive her and that I'm ok with her being with OM. I am not, so she doesn't get to hear that. I do need to stop confiding in SIL. I don't tell her everything but probably too much. Besides she has her own problems to deal with and doesn't need me piling on my issues. I just don't want to miss out on being able to see my niece. Also she is basically the only mutual contact that my W and I are in touch with. So I need her to actually see that I am doing good.

Update on my anxiety. I am on a med now that I can see actually helps a lot. Been a few weeks and it seems to put the anxiety at bay. I think there may be a larger problem here though. Going to talk with my IC about it on Thursday and see what she says. I have major performance anxiety in all aspects of my life. I know I'm in sales so that is weird but I have always been a nervous wreck before a sales meeting and then as soon as I get there I put on my sales face and everything is fine. I am actually more myself when I am on a sales call in front of a complete stranger than I was in front of my W recently. Add on a moderate amount of OCD and I am thinking passive anxiety meds are not the short term answer. I haven't really been myself for 5 years. I have always put on a brave face but I think it is time to see what Big Pharma can do about this. Me trying to be strong and fake my way through it is not acceptable anymore. I want to actually be happy...