Then quite honestly you should tell him to back off. That it's not any of his business.
I did tell him not to get involved. But, he got this idea in his head that he is trying to help my H with his life!!! He kept saying this is not about me and my H. And I couldn't tell him to not care about H's life....Sigh. I have such a bad feeling for this. But now it's out of my control. I knew him through H. So, I don't feel like he would listen to me. He thinks he knows H better.
I almost want to tell H about this, but...I'd only make it even even worse.
"he got this idea in his head that he is trying to help my H with his life!!!"
Yeah. I would cut him off as a friend.
"he's worried H is going to hit bottum hard and he wants to prevent that."
The whole point of your H's journey is that he HAS to hit rock bottom. Your "friend" is a typical rescuer personality. He's going to be in for a rude awakening when he gets M'd and finds himself here.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I really don't want him to go and I told him one more time, do not get involved but he just thinks he has to help H. M can be put aside. And he thinks he is very right. So...I tried. And I regret thinking he was a friend who would understand this. It's just so stupid he thinks he has the responsibility and right to save my H right now, ASAP. And I feel like he will definitely cause more harm now. For sure. I wish I could talk to H, but that's probably worse. I wish i could talk to someone to stop him from doing so. But...I don't even think H's parents would work. This is just a mess. And yeah, I agree with what you said once he's M'd.
Even if I say, you will definitely ruin my chance of getting my M back to him. He'd say this is what he's gotta do to help H!
Oh well, it sounds like he's going to do it regardless of what you tell him. So don't worry about it. Even if it causes a setback it won't be insurmountable. But I think MrBond is right, you should try to distance yourself from this guy. He's not helping and he's deliberately going against your wishes, sounds like a "friend" you don't need right now.
Got to agree on what people say here. He should be more humble and respectful. You're in a voulnerable situation, and he makes decisions he knows will make it harder for you. I would really consider distancing.
Together for 8,5 years. S2 Interest in OM. She left 29.09.12 b/c we couldn't work things out. No signs of OM, not digging. Living in seperate homes, sharing custody.
If he tries to contact you, tell him delicately that he didn't respect your wishes to stay out of this personal matter and that while you appreciate his intentions, you don't appreciate his not respecting your request.
Let your H fall.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Thank you all for the advices. This friend doesn't view the whole thing from my part and I really don't blame him. So, I basically stopped telling him more of how I feel and all that. He can do whatever he wants, I won't hold grudges against him.
I've been down for a few days now, I still haven't forgiven myself yet. I just keep thinking I contributed way too much negatives into our M. I'm scared that I would feel this way the rest of my life...
Heard that H plans to visit me in a few weeks. I want to think that he just wants to see me but I'm more convinced to think that he is coming to finally tell me he wants out. And I know i do not want that. How do I deal with this when he actually shows up with a distant face and cold tone? Last time, I cried and told him all I wanted was a warm caring family... I know I won't be saying that this time, but really, how could I show him even a tiny chance that we would work? Anyone experienced with this before and how did it go? Just hearing about the fact that he is coming over sometime to talk makes me so emotional right now.
Just cried and cried. Since PIL met my H. They told me H said he would "talk" to me soon. Since I know for sure that H is seeing the OW, I expect that he is going to tell me for real this time the D.... I'm sad, I don't know what to do.
So I just talked to MIL, just tried to ask her if H said anything else. I guess I knew I wasn't getting anything out of it but I asked. She seemed to be bothered. She said she didn't know and she didn't want to. She just wanted to be supportive without giving an opinion. YES, i do understand that and it's okay. But then she said she told H that he needs to get this done soon, that she can't take it anymore. She said she wanted to see H for the holidays and all that. and the way she said it is like I am the reason she can't see her son. I feel like I should be blamed and i feel so sad here. Her son is cheating and his family thinks I'm the bad thing.
