Time for an Introduction...and Thanks

[figure-it-out]

Hello,
I could use some quick feedback/advice on the following e-mail exchange between H and I today:

H - Did D tell you about Disneyland (H "generously" decided to give D $$ to go to Disneyland with her friend tomorrow) He of course won't be seeing her prior to that so he let her know that I would give her the $$ upfront and he would pay me back. All this was done without my knowledge until D told me that is.

M - Yes

H - Is that OK? If you need the $$ right away I can meet you and give it to you.

M - No, it's fine she may wait and go this Fri or next anyway

H - Oh ok, I told S I can't pick him up this weekend. I wanted to communicate it to you though.

M - OK

30 min later...

H - Are you mad at me?

I did not respond. 1 I was just getting into the car to leave work and 2. I didn't know what to say

10 min later...

H - Guess so

How do I even respond to this?? Ignore it? Say no? I want to say "mad, and I MAD"? H$ll YES I'm mad. I'm FURIOUS. I'm mad you're doing this to your family, I'm mad your buying your kids to alleviate your guilt and shame, I'm mad you weren't man enough to fight for this family and instead chose the easy way out with someone almost young enough to be your daughter who thinks you're probably just super.

I'm at a loss, really. I feel saying "no" just lets him off the hook. What does he even want to know what I'm mad about? Not picking up our S this weekend?? Maybe I'll just respond to that, "no, I like spending time with S, a whole weekend of him to myself will be great". Maybe that's all he wants to know if I'm mad about yesterday. I'm probably giving him too much credit anyway in asking what "mad" is.

What do you all think???

[MrBond]

Don't answer. Right now you act as if he doesn't mean anything and carry on with your own life. If you start acting like the independent woman you were before you got M'd, then you'll get his attention.

[Brian in Hville]

I would respond with "You're the one missing out spending time with a wonderful son. If that's the type of father you want to be..."


Well, maybe not the second part!

[figure-it-out]

Thanks Mr. B and Brian,

I didn't respond back and haven't heard anything more. Like I said, I wasn't sure if he meant was I mad at him in general or because he wasn't picking up S. ( I do like your "second part" though Brian, sums things up nicely)

Mind reading but maybe he just wanted to "touch base" considering I haven't seen him in over 3 weeks and have pretty much limited my texts to one word answers only when he texts first.

In the meantime, I will go to the gym tonight and then have a great time handing out candy and just having fun with my 2 kids!

[Brian in Hville]

Are you dressing up??? I am going to wear my Michael Myers outfit...I am 6'6" so it is pretty intimidating!

[figure-it-out]

Oh my gosh Brian!! I bet the kids either cross the street when they see you coming or turn and run when you answer the door!
No, not dressing up tonight. Just doing the candy duty thing while the kids go out. Rushed to get to the gym and feed the kids prior to the onslaught of trick or treaters. Hope you had a good night!

[Brian in Hville]

Had loads of fun. Scared a lot of kids and their parents just laughed! How are things with you?

[figure-it-out]

Hey Brian,
Things are going OK. Busy here at work and running the kids (well my son) around.
Need to get back on the boards more regularly. Not too much to report. How are YOU???
Journaling a bit...
H did start putting less $$ into our account with last Friday's paycheck. It's the amount we had agreed upon a while ago with the settlement letter from my L that he never signed.
Had to send him a text at that point asking if he had purchased his own car ins. He said no, just got a quote but would purchase it this week. I told him great, I would make sure I left his car payment statement and credit card statement this week for him to pick up as well.
H then asked if he needed to deposit more $$ and once again if I was mad at him.
I didn't reply to that question but let him know the amount he decided to deposit didn't include his car payment or credit card payment so he would need to take care of that.
No more communication after that which is just as well.

H did also submit his preliminary declaration to my L. L sent me a copy and asked me to review and let them know if I thought anything was missing. Um, yeah... H forgot to include the address of where he REALLY lives with OW/GF and instead put his mother's address. He didn't include a copy of the statement for the auto loan he cosigned on last Dec. with O/W. His bank account statement showed a balance below $200 when he walks around with over $1000 in his wallet. H complains that this has dragged on for so long yet does the bare minimum to move the process along.
Oh well, enough about that.
I joined a gym that just opened near me and have been trying to go every day. Not easy, but I'm really enjoying it. I found out one of my friends has also signed up so I'm going to make plans to have a work out buddy. Hoping to catch a movie or dinner with a friend this weekend.

[Brian in Hville]

Things are going good for me...It's that time of year when I get a little down and lonely. Nothing I can't deal with though. I also got back in my gym and my injury doesn't hurt as bad as it did...but I realized both my shoulders are to the point where they need surgery now

Just keep living life. That's all you can do. Keep moving forward as best you can. You are going to make someone so happy one day!

[Brian in Hville]

Searching for Dr FIO..Dr FIO, please report to the Newcommers section!