New to DB and Clearly Oblivious to My "Horrible" M

[NickB]

Sandi, I come here each day to seek out advice, guidance and admittedly in some cases, comfort. You and so many people here have been so helpful to my sitch and to me personally. I cannot thank you enough.

You will be her target for any negative feelings she experiences. Expect it b/c it will happen. But you don't grade the R or how you're doing by what she says or does. She may be nice one day....doesn't mean a thing. She may be awful the next day....doesn't mean a thing. So you don't think things are better just b/c she showed a little consideration one day, and neither do you think it's over if she bites your head off the next. She's an emotional mess and it's probably going to get worse before it gets better.

I get this but need a reminder every now and then. I thought I was doing great on detaching until I found I was slipping back into thinking we might be turning our first corner in months. No turn happened and I learned exactly what you are saying. Too bad I read this post after a conversation my W and I had last night.

I have decided to read the "37 rules" each day and night as a reminder.

H's are in a bad place when trying to get their W to see a doctor about their hormones. When the couple hasn't been having sex, she usually thinks he just wants her to get fixed so he'll get sex. If she's having a lot of emotional or nervous problems, she still thinks he just wants her fixed. Well, who wouldn't want her fixed when she's like that? But he's usually not the one to suggest it.

Exactly my challenge. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone. I am conflicted but know I am not the one that can push this with her.

If her sister really wanted to help her, she would suggest her seeing a specialist, and maybe she already has.

I am not sure exactly what she is sharing and how often. My W mentioned one time to me that she was thinking of talking to her sister about what was going on but specifically said she was not going to discuss the EA for fear of judgment.

My concern is that she may not be sharing enough detail. I cannot control and influence it. I only mention it because I think there is still a heavy fog around her -- even when she confides in family. Again, not something I am working to change or affect -- just an observation.

It's probably tough to find time just for yourself, but you do need to do that as part of GAL.

it is tough. I have been using time with my kids as time to GAL. Fining places and events other parents gather so at least I can make friends and keep some type of life that doesn't involve tiny children.

Don't allow her emotions to dictate your sound judgement, decisions, and beliefs. Stick to what you know is true and right. Sometimes, people are so scared of their S leaving them until they lose sight of what is really important in life. I've seen some pretty crazy things some LBS's are willing to do in order to have another chance with their WAS.

She is not well. You have got to be the one to remain healthy. Take very good care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually. Don't think of it as being selfish. It's necessary. Your family depends upon it.

Again, great advice and support. I wish I could bottle you and few other folks on here for daily support. it is what keeps me coming back here multiple times a day. The support here if phenomenal.