My teenagers were focused on becoming their own person, both of them rebelled, the oldest rather vehemently and the younger one much more subtlety. The harder X and I tried to rein them in the harder they rebelled.
They didn’t want or need confining structure. They needed boundaries and to see themselves as contributing. They wanted a safe harbor. They needed a place relax. They wanted a place to belong.
They didn’t want us to be their friend. They wanted us to be their parent, a parent that recognized them as a person growing into an adult. Letting them find the sharp edges and standing by available if they acknowledged their need for assistance. I was not averse to pointing out the cliff edge and speculating about its fragility. Belaboring fragility got tuned out. Forbidding the cliff edge only made them approach it.
You have an opportunity to build a different relationship with your daughter than the one you had. Explore that opportunity. This part of my path has been rewarding.
Frank
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
