W called last night to vent about someone hurting her feelings. A good practice session for validating, because for once it had nothing to do with me. They said that? No wonder your hurt. Id be hurt too.
She is going to MC in 2 days. My questions: how much "cheer leading" should I do? And do I ask how it went, if we can now go together....?
Today is grief. Work got rained out this morning, so unexpected time alone.
My love language is quality time together. At this point ANY time together would feel good.
Hers is acts of service. We can't speak love if we're apart.
There is no substitute for her company. I am a very quiet person, and many would mistake me for a loner, but I despise being alone. Yet there is only a small number of people I ever connect with. My W, kids sometimes, brothers and sister, parents. Pastor somewhat.
No connection compares to that I feel w/W, even now. She was always available for a quick text or chat before...now I have to detach, wait, pine, long, hope.
I was, and am, completely shocked that she did not feel that same connection. Intellectually I am learning my wrongs and how I drove her off. Emotionally I always felt connected to her. She ACTED connected to me, until very recently. This is all old news I know but nonetheless painful.
My hobbies hold no interest, unless I have talked to her. If she were to call right now, suddenly I'd have the energy to jump up and play my guitar for hours. It happens every time. She is a drug. I am addicted. I don't want to quit. She energizes me.
She was the best thing that ever happened to me, and I turned into an a$$ and destroyed her. She told me she knows she hurt me. What hurts most is knowing that I put her in a position where she COULD do this. I wish she knew that. If she knew that one thing wouldn't it start to make her believe this can work?
I dread Thanksgiving for the first time ever, even when my Mom had just passed away.
Is this why I need to detach, because her sensing me like this repels? If I saw her hurting like this I'd run in and sweep her away...before, but I was blind...now that I see, I can't.
Thanks for "listening"
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
