Needing some guidance... 6

[jks]

Update: Still married but H has now retained a L. He sent me a long email stating all of the things he wants to do in this D. It hurt when I first read it but nothing was a surprise. Just another stepping stone that I have to get passed. I saw him yesterday and he looked amazing. I had kind of a rough day once again trying to forget how much I love him. For the most part, though, I have been EXTREMELY busy. Work is killer. So much to do.

I met a guy from online for dinner last Saturday night. Had a girlfriend with me so it was super casual. He told me he was impressed with me. He was attractive but not my type. He still wanted to get together again and I had to tell him no. I've been going out and doing things and finding that people do actually like hanging out with me... weird? My self esteem has been shot so hearing these things from my friends is the greatest thing for me right now.

I've been seeing a T weekly and she has helped me a ton in realizing my potential and looking at things differently. I've learned that I have a very distorted way of thinking. It's a work in progress to change my natural tendencies.

Ski season starts tomorrow and my goal this winter is to go once a week. I told my neighbors about getting a season pass and they are totally up for it. So I have friends to join me which is exciting. So excited to get up there and enjoy the mountains. I'm working on an amazing playlist so I can just get up there and blast my music while I ski. It's going to be EPIC!! LOL!

I'm generally in good spirits these days... with some bad days in between but I'm noticing that the feelings of despair or sadness do not stay long at all. I feel very blessed in so many other things and that's where I choose to put my focus. I know going through this D is going to be rough and it will probably hit me hard. But for now I'm trying to look at what I do have and to keep the faith that God knows what is best for me.