Moving the blanket away from the castle

[bustingout]

Journal

Past couple of days have been mellow.

H is withdrawn as expected..still generally pleasant. He gets very uncomfortable when I thank him for something. I don't know why. I just realized this tonight. He did something, I said thank you I appreciate it, and he just mumbles. who knows.

Something I observed today. He was hanging out at the house before me and the kids got home. I am pleased, but I wonder why he doesn't hang out at OWs since the kids are out. He has no 'reason' to be at the house except when they are there.

And I say this because I do not think it is a 'sign' of anything, because he used to do this before and then he went right back to OW (they did have a break about a year ago...but that was pre-DB for me, so I had no positive influence during that time).

I spoke to my coach yesterday. It always gives such relief, doesn't it?

He basically validated a lot of what I was feeling thinking, doing. And he helped me prepare for when the next D talk comes from H. That gave me some relief.

He also helped me realize that I have to be careful between that fine line of protecting myself, and coming across as rejecting him. resenting him, etc

This includes eye contact. I have lately been avoiding eye contact because i don't want to see what he thinks of me. So I want to work on that.

He thought that the recent niceness from H is positive and asked how I have changed. I told him and he said do you see any specific patterns that prompt him to be nicer?

I said not really. I am trying to be steady and calm and collected. I don't initiate, ask too many questions, I just respond in my new DB way. So I will keep that course for now.

H does not get angry so much anymore with me, more that he withdraws. The day after the party I was at and where I saw OW...I knew he was going to be very late coming over. I just knew it. And he was. I think thats him dealing, rather than coming over expecting me to probably spew about OW (I would have in the past), he avoids and comes very late.

When he walked in, I greeted him with a smile and a hello and carried on the day.

So coach said to continue.

And I will for as long as I can. I told coach I can do that. Its H getting a unilateral D that scares me. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.