This friend thinks my H needs serious help with life. He feels like he should have talked to him a while ago. He thinks H is in a life crisis that he could help him out ASAP. Any suggestions on how to convince him? I'll just tell him I've been reading DB books and trying to apply, and that many cases showed that friends no matter how close they are would not help?
Suppose to have lunch with this friend. I'll try to explain to him what I'm doing. I so wish there is a book for what friends could do if they really want to help the marriage!
Just ask the friend not to interfere. You don't have to tell him anything about what you're doing unless you really want to.
Let it be, continue planning your life.
What is in your plan so far?
What are your goals for this week?
Thank you labug. I dragged this friend in basically. He lives in the city I am right now, and when the bomb was dropped, I didn't know who to talk to as a friend. So I told him how I felt and what was going on. He was being very supportive in a neutral way (seems neutral to me). He was the one that told me H must be in a bad mental place right now, before I found DB book. So I think he understands something about how H feels about life. And I had a few emotion meltdowns, and he listened to me. So I think I dragged him into this, and I don't know if I could stop him from going at this point. But I will try, I think I need to tell him a little bit about how I don't think it's a good idea for him to go. Then, I will have to let it be. He has his own opinions, and he thinks he knows my H better than I do at some level. They grew up together basically.
I have a big exam coming up so I'm studying for it. After the exam, I plan to do a little traveling to visit my friends. My goal is to past the exam!
Talked to the friend. He doesn't get me. He said he isn't going because of me and H 's relationship problem. He says he wants to heal H. I tried to say this is not doing good for our M. He agreed it might not. But he said he is going as a friend. And he said he's worried H is going to hit bottum hard and he wants to prevent that. He apparently doesn't get my point of view on this. I felt like he thinks I am wrong. And I couldn't convince him. So. He is going. He said he is not going to talk about R. I can't do anything about him visiting now. I tried. I don't feel too bad. Just lonely and misunderstood if nothing else. I gotta let this go, whatever happens now between them is out of my control.
The only thing that would make your friend so adamant about "healing" your H is if he had gone through the same type of transition. The fact that he said he's doing it to not save your M is a horrible thing to do.
What is your friend's life like? Is he M'd?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Oh wow. That's not going to go well. Hopefully your H will blame him for the intervention attempt and not you. Here's the thing, only your H can heal himself. Any attempt anyone makes at trying to heal or fix him is just going to appear to him as pressure. What he does not want or need in any form right now is pressure. DB'ing is all about giving time and space to the WAS because they need it to fix themselves. There's just no other way to get there.
The only thing that would make your friend so adamant about "healing" your H is if he had gone through the same type of transition. The fact that he said he's doing it to not save your M is a horrible thing to do.
What is your friend's life like? Is he M'd?
He thinks he understands people's pain. He doesn't understand this. He kept saying my H needs his help. And yeah, I wanted to say how can you not care about the M. But I didn't, cuz I wasn't able to change his mind. He said people should just take M as a not so big portion in their life.
He is not M'd. He ended a long relationship a while ago. Has a GF now.
Oh wow. That's not going to go well. Hopefully your H will blame him for the intervention attempt and not you. Here's the thing, only your H can heal himself. Any attempt anyone makes at trying to heal or fix him is just going to appear to him as pressure. What he does not want or need in any form right now is pressure. DB'ing is all about giving time and space to the WAS because they need it to fix themselves. There's just no other way to get there.
AnotherStander, I agree with you! But this friend doesn't get it. I do not think he went through something like this before. But he thinks he is so spiritual and that he knows what H is going through. He thinks H is depressed and because of a carrer thing mostly. I told him H needs to heal himself, but he thinks H needs his point of view to see things clearly. So, you see, he basically thinks I'm wrong. And I have nothing to prove to him that he is not going to help. But he doesn't see it that way.... Sigh. I want to message him and explain again but, I could tell he was very determined about his own ideas. So I just have to let it be now. I feel like I'm even more doomed.
