I've pulled back quite a bit in the last few days. There isn't any tension, and we're still functioning as a family just fine. I haven't been spending the evenings with W and have pretty much cut off anything physical for the time being.
I'm trying to schedule another DB Coaching session to get some advice on the OM situation. I think she'll probably say the same thing, but I guess I need the pep talk to feel right about it.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about W's R with OM and some of the things she's said to me. It's a bit of mind reading, but it does help me see her perspective. Comments about "I don't think I can love you the way you deserve" and "someone new will love you differently." I think that she's comparing how she felt with OM to how she feels about me, and honestly, I can see how she might feel that way. Since she never did run off with OM, she only really experienced that initial "this is awesome" part of the relationship. I think her fantasy of what her R with OM was like is still there and our M gets compared to it.
It also makes sense that me talking bad about OM would upset her, as she's still mourning that R.
Last night I was thinking about what I thought a good M would look like, and I ended up going back to the foundations we discussed in retrouv....love, trust, commitment, & forgiveness. This stings because of these, we really only have love. We don't trust each other, and W refuses to commit to our M and refuses to forgive me for anything I've done. So I ask myself, how can our M ever recover?
SS told Regret today:
Originally Posted By: scaredsilly
Your H knows you are there if he wants you. He doesn't have to work on it.
That's kinda hit me in the stomach. My W knows I'll always be here, she knows I want our M to work more than anything. So why would she stop talking to OM? Why would she commit to our M?
