The Lure of the Siren

[Arsene]

Arsene,

Great journal! I'm almost envious because your W seems clearly interested. And that's awesome.

My W (as far as I can tell) has no interest. She moved in with OM and living the high-life. She loves him and he has more to offer than I do. Our marriage was full of financial destruction and brokenness. There are many reasons she would not want to be back in my life. So I've been trying to make my life without her better - for my kids (when I'm with them) and myself.

But, I wonder the same things about my W. I have done a lot of changing and actually accepted Christ back into my life. We have to remember though, it's that peculiar attraction which gets them. They may see us in a different light and wonder whether or not they could handle the 'new' us or if they are even good enough for us. But I believe it's what draws them to us. Especially the more they are around us.

It's the strength we show through the changes. There's a courage that comes with it. It's valiant. Women, I believe, still have this romantic view of the so-called 'Knight in shining armor' who comes to rescue them. Which in most of our cases is not in the physical realm, but in the emotional.

Continue to show your valiant efforts with the drastic changes you have made. This produces a huge attraction. Do everything possible to make them stick. Let it take all the time it needs. One drastic, out of the place move could scare her away.

Thanks TPC,

It's strange to hear that someone might be envious of my sitch but I guess I am grateful that we are back on talking terms and that we can have great interactions at times. I know it's much tougher on others around here. I've had a read at your thread and it seems unbelievable how fast things deteriorated to where they are today.

One thing I've been told around here and that has somehow helped me is that you are not in competition with OM. You are in competition with your old self and that is the real challenge because when your W sees you, it's the old you she sees, no matter who you are today. You have to strive to change your old pattern and be consistent, perhaps for a long time before he changes are believed.

Heck my W has actually acknowledged many of my changes and has noticed how differently D8 interacts with me but she still refuses to believe in them. Or she's no ready or willing to right now.

I'll keep what you say in mind and try to at least show valiance and courage because I sure don't feel it most days. I know what you mean though and knowing that I'm doing the right thing works miracles on my PMA and on my self-respect.

Thanks for your time mate.