Another small victory (for me at least) was Friday she went out with some friends and in the past my insecurities would have stressed me out and I'd have a pity party while she was gone that she didn't want to go out with me (I know stupid but I'm being honest). This time I didn't have those thoughts at all, I just played with kids then did a few things around house and had a nice night. In the past I'd wait up for her and start the 20 question game that never went well. I was going hunting with my son the next morning so said screw it and went to bed before she got home. She got home about 11:30 and I think it threw her for a loop that I was asleep. She came in bedroom and made as much noise as she could getting ready for bed. I just laid there and never said a word. Next day I asked how her night was and that was it.
This is great. You are making progress!
Have you spent any time trying to understand your insecurities? Are you addressing them, or only the behavior related to them?
Originally Posted By: Spartan
The kids and I are having a great time together and hopefully she's seeing some changes in my behavior. Some are coming pretty natural and others I have to really work at. It's still mind blowing that we don't talk about anything except kids and small talk about her work. Nothing about M and she hasn't asked anything about my life in weeks.
Your changes are for you, not a reaction from your W. At first, she won't trust that they are real (it can take a long long time for them to believe it). And then, she'll probably be mad because you waited so long to make them. It's a process...just keep working on you and try to be patient with your W.
Originally Posted By: Spartan
She didn't hear me walk in and I heard her say "maybe that's why we marry idiots".
Take this for what it is and let it slide off your back. More than anything, she is empathizing with her cousin. You have made mistakes, but you are addressing them....most people never do, so take some solace in that.
Originally Posted By: Spartan
Humility is a good lesson I've learned from this experience. This ride has me on such an emotional roller coaster, I feel like I've turned into a woman
LOL...this is so funny. I know exactly what you mean. I have become much more in touch with my feelings over the last year or two and I express them, instead of bottling them up. I don't expect my W to do anything about them, but I don't want to build resentment, so I just say "that made me feel x" and go on.
It's such a 180 for me, my W is still struggling with how to react to it. She got so used to me being this hard @sshole, that now when I say something hurt my feelings she's just confused. Part of it for me is trying to teach my kids different than my parents taught me. It's breaking that cycle so my kids don't take the same baggage into their relationships that I did.
Overall, you sound like you are really doing well. Keep it up!
