Back again thread #2

[mamabird]

MKB, SS and LA are very wise women and they have been doing this for a long time. They are challenging you because they want to help you. Not to make you feel bad about any of it.

We all know that you are under tremendous stress and pressure and this is a horrible time for you. You don't need anyone making you feel bad and I promise you that was not their intention. We all need to be "checked" though every now and then because we can get into patterns that aren't great for DB. Please don't take it personally. Just think about what they are saying.

Hang in there MKB.

[MKB23]

I never said anything about LA. I said that I did not want SS posting because frankly it FELT like another attack and I do not NEED that from anyone else in my life. Especially not someplace that should be supportive. I will stick to my journal in the future.
Thanks for your help.

Maybe I can direct H here. Likely it might feel more supportive to him. What's a little abandonment when someone has called you an @ss?

[mamabird]

Sorry MKB. We are all just trying to help you. I know that there have been people on my thread who come across very strong and it can feel a little attacking. I hope you'll keep coming here and reaching out for support.

[MrBond]

"Yes, I do have a problem with being right all the time. I didn't realize how this was contributing in things like this. I feel like I am such a terrible mess. Seems like I work on one area and then something else comes up. frown Thanks Bug for stopping in and offering your insight."

[labug]

Here's the thing MKB, I would have said the same thing that SS said, pretty much word for word.

We've all been there, we know how it feels.

But sometimes you just aren't ready to hear it, so the best thing for me to do is not say it.

Where did SS call you an ass? Or is that how it made you feel?

I think this interaction is really a place you need to dig deep and work hard to figure out.

Someone called you on something, you were triggered, you got angry, you reacted defensively, you lashed out hoping to hurt the person who "hurt" you and now you're the victim.

Welcome to my (previous) world! You can change this and create a happier life for yourself.

If you don't change it, you will carry this around with you forever and it will infect all of your R.

You can only control you.

[Tumbling]

Labug
MKB called her husband an a55 on the phone

[labug]

I was referring to this: What's a little abandonment when someone has called you an @ss?

Don't get it. Hopefully MKB will respond.

[MKB23]

I'm sorry if I was rude to anyone. Yes I know that is exactly what I do la. I have known for some time. I also know he intentionally tries to trigger me. The last few days have been completely overwhelming. Not just him. It's a snowball effect. I dunno the comment was really that sometimes I feel like I am supposed to just ignore the fact that he walked and basically created this situation. Yes I was not easy to live with but as I said before it is shared blame. I felt like it was all being heaped on me. I don't know how to react anymore. Being nice doesn't seem to work, being sort of abrupt hasn't worked. Nothing has worked. He won't even discuss something as simple as our girls after school schedule. I really do need him to help with them. Apparently he's just not up to it or open to it or maybe he just can't I really don't know anymore. It's like beating my head against the wall. He is really belligerent, angry, and just flat out hostile and rude. So much so even the kids are now commenting on it.

[MKB23]

Not sure it matters but Melissa is my first name. Not sure why the MK throws me.

[MKB23]

One of my biggest problems I think is my H refuses to acknowledge just how bad this situation is and how much pain we are all in. I feel stuck. I have accepted I guess that he never will acknowledge it or help try to make it more bearable. That really is a big problem for me. Big source of hurt. It's like he thinks of himself separate from th fall out and consequences.