On the way home we talked more. H said that he can't help the way he feels. I said that he can definitely change his feelings about things if he wants to. H said that's pressure. H said he needs his "space." I asked him what that means. I don't understand what that means. H said, "How is it that we've been married for 11 years and you don't understand me?" As we all know, this is a classic mistake in perception, but it's one that he refuses to be enlightened on.
I'm going to side with your H on this, to a point. Feelings just are. There's no controlling them and they are his to have. What he does with them is another matter.
I'd encourage him to talk about his feelings. Peel back the onion here if you can, keep asking questions. Really listen. Really try to see it from his perspective.
I would interpret space to mean to pressure on the R. Just live in the moment, enjoy the little things, let the things that irritate you melt away. Just exist for a bit. This is a sucky time because we're all wanting progress so we feel like we must "do" something. But, you might have to do "nothing" to get there.
With that said, I worry about the comment a little because of the sitch with OW.
Originally Posted By: scaredsilly
Your H knows you are there if he wants you. He doesn't have to work on it.
SS - this stings for me, as I think this may be why I'm stuck in my own M. Thanks for making the point.
