Well I've been on the threads the past few days reading and posting with everyone else. It's been very helpful to look at other people's sitch's, and offer encouragement.
It's also helped me really look at things differently in my wn sitch. I read Accuray's first post and the last post he gave to Sweet briar. What he has to say is helping me with my work in forgiving my XH.
I think whats upsetting is that I didn't know it would be so hard. Can you forgive someone, yet never trust them again?
I'll be boldly honest. I want so much to let this go, so much to forgive, so much to at least mend some sort of decency between us for the sake of the girls. I feel I do it in baby steps, but then I get to thinking of the past and my wall goes up higher than it was before. AT the same time I completely understand that you have to move forward. Looking back after a while serves no purpose unless you want to remain bitter and angry all your live. I don't want that. Yet what I want will require me to bring down a wall, and it terrifies me.
REading Accuray's sitch and things he said to Sweet Briar really helped me to see possibly how XH could possibly be feeling towards me on and off in the past 18 months. It could be why he acts genuinely nice, yet nervous, acting like he wants to say something but can't find the words. I've seen him act that way before when he left and then came home the other two times.
He could be scared Im going to bash him over the head for being an A$$, because that is something I would do.
I think he and I both act like Feral Cats around eachother at times.
Very much something I need to think about. I guess Im finally looking over that cliff and have all my emotional garbage with me and ready to just throw it off into the canyon. I'll be honest. Im still sad he's with OW. He was my husband first, we created a family together, and we were friends living life together and raising our girls together. But I do understand breaking it off with the OP is hard. Especially in his case...he has his hands full I tell ya. Knowing the little I do, all the lessons he needs to learn from his actions are actively in his lap right now.
